Oneness Ministry

We are One

Illusion of Loss

The process of transition often leads to the illusion of loss.  So what is loss?  Loss is “the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had: the loss of old friends.” (  It can also refer to the death of a loved one. 

If we look further at this definition we see that it involves possession, “that one has had”.  Straight from these simple words it becomes clear that this is an illusion because possessing another human being is simply not possible.  You do not own your parents and they do not own you.  This goes for every relationship in your live.  It can even be extended to other living things such as pets or plants, although the definition becomes hazier at this point.  You can own a beautiful rose bush, but if you do not love it and care for it then you will lose it.  The same goes for your best friend!

Even if you do love and care, nothing is permanent so eventually it will be lost.  What is really happening of course is that it is changing forms, and the energy still exists just not as it did before.  When you die, your body decays and “you” move on to other experiences either beyond this world or in another form right here in this world.  Often this is why we choose to have children so that our form or essence has a vehicle to continue on. 

The illusion of loss can bring profound pain and feelings of despair to the individual who believes that something horrific has just happened.  Fear is a gripping emotion that can consume your life if allowed to.  In a way you have indeed lost something and that is a particular expression of self.  We often identify with the person or object of loss and feel like a part of ourselves was lost and indeed it has been.  Grieving is expected, so please do not fight this.  Honor the life you identified with as if it were your own.  While at the same time realize that nothing is really lost it has only changed form. 

Life is always changing and evolving.  When this process is embraced and honored wonderful experiences result.  There is no way to find anything better till what you “have” is lost.  For a child to lose a parent this signals a time for the child to step up and replace the parent as best they can, but more importantly the child has the opportunity to fully express their essence, or be themselves! 

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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Post-op Regret – Who do you Love?

The last two posts covered post transition grief and they touched on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Now I would like to get more specific, post-op grief or regret is sometimes experienced by Post-op Transsexuals.  I have been researching gender issues and transgenderism for about 10 years now and can remember stories from back in my high school days and the warnings my psychiatrist father gave me saying, if you are not happy before surgery then you will not be happy after surgery.

He makes a good point, but his view is skewed because he sees the failures not the successes.  The successes go on with life and never look back!  It is those who are dealing with possibly other issues besides transgenderism that end up at the psychiatrist’s office.  The difference between the successes and the failures is often the same issue that all transgender individuals deal with daily, self-acceptance.  Whether they have surgery or not, being accepted is an issue that everyone goes through with varying levels of success. 

It seems that the transgender community has a larger challenge with this than the general population which is reflected in the 50% suicide attempt rate in our community.  I have attempted it myself and have to talk myself out of it on a regular basis.  Just briefly as this could be a whole blog, suicide is selfish because it hurts everyone you love.  So it simply is not a choice, as my ex would tell her kids in her pre-school class. Which is what it is really all about anyway, choice!  There are always other options. 

So let’s get back to this issue of post op regret.  There have been some very high profile examples of this such as Renee Richards and in the documentary “Almost Myself” by Tom Murray.  It is strange how people love to focus on the failures in life.  In the cases that I have observed, several reasons for post-op grief are not knowing who you are, not accepting who you are, and trying to be something you are not.   Not all transgender individuals are transsexual.  Where we fall on the gender sliding scale is a personal awareness that comes from getting to know yourself.  Is it your desire to be like others so that you can fit into one of the two “accepted” boxes society has created, male or female? Are you comfortable being in the sex role of your birth body?  Only you know if it feels right or not and unless you are honest with yourself surgery could make things worse.   

Anyway, I think it comes down to one thing and that is self-acceptance.  It matters not what others think of you, really!  This is how it works, our thoughts are like a radiant field of energy and they surround us constantly, usually only about 10 feet or so, but in some situations they can be directed as far as we can imagine – around the globe and beyond.  If you are holding the thought “do they know I am transgender” or whatever, those thoughts are going to be picked up eventually by someone.  How you think about yourself determines in a large part how you are treated!  What thoughts are you projecting?  I still have much work to do, but I pass fairly easily and I am 6’11” 265lbs.  I am a woman, I know it, always have been, but I have not always known it.  I am not saying that I pass all the time, just that I usually do.  Most people make a big deal about my size saying something on the order of “you are the biggest woman I have ever seen”.  The other experience that I am thrilled about is that I rarely have anyone treat me rudely which goes for my entire life.  Our thoughts precede us!  When you are frustrated and angry the world knows this because you are radiating it everywhere you go, which is reflected back to us in events that usually frustrate us further.  Our thoughts are a self fulfilling prophecy.  We create our world with our thoughts, words and actions!  More on this next time.

Blessings, 😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

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Post Transition Grief continued

In continuing our discussion of transition grief, any situation can create grief, pain or resistance, but actual harm is our perception of what is expected and not from the actual event.  Say you touch the red hot stove, your mind knows that this will burn you and then it produces the burn experience.  This phenomenon has been proven by various groups of researchers and is pretty amazing when you think about it.

Noticing how you feel in each moment of your life is important.  It is a good idea to do a mental inventory of your day before going to bed or at any point in the day so that you can be grateful for that which you enjoyed and for the things you did not enjoy. Even if you did not enjoy an experience you can simply accept it as another experience and release it because it no longer serves you.  It is sort of like choosing apples at the market.  We pick one up, look closely at it, feel it, smell it and simply keep the ones we want putting the others back. 

As I mentioned before there is a simple method of dealing with the issues as they arise in our lives.  It is important to develop this attitude before they arise so that it is automatic.  Some doctors may call this a coping mechanism, I simply know that this works because I have used it many times.  It has become a way of life for me.  Here is what you do each and every time you have an experience, simply say to yourself, YES. 

Yes, I accept this event, experience, situation, because I know that I am meant to be here or I would not be here!  YES, YES, YES!  In the process of having the faith to say yes no matter what, we are released from any harmful effects the event may have otherwise created.  You see it is our attitude and belief about what happens to us that determines the outcome.  All sorts of things are going to happen, that is the nature of transition, just remember that good and bad are up to you to decide and even if you decide that it is bad, painful or a disaster be thankful for the experience and choose to never go through that again.  Let go of the experience in the process of choosing who you are, and stay focused on your desires while forgetting the rest!  Our lives can truly be Heaven on earth if we decide that is what we desire.  So open your eyes and your heart and see the beauty this awesome world has to offer.

   😉 Sequoia Elisabeth


Post Transition Grief and the working of the mind

Post transition grief or some call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Whatever you call it, I just know that it is a part of change.  Any transition involves some stress, grief and pain.  Our attitudes and beliefs about the transition process will determine the degree in which we experience trauma. 

The symptoms that result afterwards depend on how deep our experience went and how well we processed the whole event.  One of the characteristics of this condition is an inability to stop thinking about the transition or event.  Basically we get stuck looking in the rear view mirror and forget to look forward.  Driving blind is always dangerous and so is not getting help when we notice that we are having a hard time letting go of the past.

The intensity of our dreams and the nature of our behavior are clues also to needing help.  Usually there is a reason we are not letting go and it is often because the event brought up an old issue that has not been dealt with. If we choose not to address issues as they arise then they are put “on file” to be dealt with later.  It is always best to deal with issues as soon as you can, because it is easier that way. 

Let me explain “dealing with an issue”, I mean facing it, seeing it for what it is and accepting it.  This can be done in a flash or it can take years!  We simply have to be willing to do it.  Later I give you a great method for applying this.  Traumatic events are harder to process because in the heat of the event much of available data goes straight into subconscious because the conscious mind shuts down when it is attacked (or perceives attack).  Then a long process must begin to bring it up out of subconscious so that we can “deal” with it.  I realize that I am speaking in generalities here and I am doing so because it is important to realize that transition grief can occur in many situations that we would not even consider being important. 

To re-emphasis this point, transition grief and PTSD differ in degree only.  Regret for the decisions made is something different and that is another discussion that maybe I will cover at a later date.  I will stop here today because I don’t want these entries to be so long.  Check back tomorrow for the “rest of the story”.

Blessings 😉 Sequoia Elisabeth