The biggest failure of my personal lifetime is gender transition and yet it is also the greatest success. Let me explain. Upon deep reflection and shadow work along with many years of Spiritual Study I have come to realize the motivation behind “transgenderism”. I will just say right now that sex has almost nothing to do with it! We all have the basic need to be loved and to love others. Family is where this starts, for most of us at least. I was born into a middle class family and had both my parents, along with a sibling before me and after. My “cry for love” (need for attention) was no different than any others. My parents did their very best and I can honestly say I had a wonderful childhood. Yet I developed a need to be noticed, an inner cry for love. So who was denying me this love? I was of course. At first my cries for attention where health based since Dad was a physician and this is what I came to know first.
Mom was a model in her younger days and she got quite the attention. She was also tall and perhaps she got more attention than she really wanted. Children model after whom raises them and such, Mom was my role model. I saw the attention she got and I know she was loved, I could see it everywhere. I wished to be like her. To get love, probably, but also to model love. The ego finds multitudes of ways to get attention, being trans* is just one of them. Any deviance is a cry for love. It is the ego crying look at me, I am special! I see this clearly now and have for several years, though it is clearer than ever today.
The ego’s desire for specialness reinforces the separation idea it is based on. Death does this also in just the opposite way, for everyone dies! These ideas of separation are at the root of every issue anyone and everyone in this world has ever had. We fear we are separate from God, that we have been expelled from the Garden of Eden. The wool so to speak has brilliantly been pulled over our eyes. Some would call this the veil of forgetting. I remember now and have for some time. We are One and this means there is no one else, no thing else, … God is all there is. By shining this light the darkness vanishes. Fear cannot exist in the Light. The more Light I shine, the less fear (false evidence appearing real) exists.
We are each familiar with the rules of the game so to speak, both of the dream world and the physical world. Neither of these is reality. This being said, it is what we know, for now. So it is best to face this world we have created with Love, why? Because Love is what and who we are. Remember, Love is reality. This is how you will know where your thoughts are taking you, if it dies or changes then it is not real. The answer is always love, every time you respond differently a barrier is created. The road home is paved in Love. Any obstacle is your own resistance to this Truth.
We are not here to change anything, so we must embrace who we are and even who we appear to be. As our awareness grows and answers flow in, this does not mean we must act, in fact, I would suggest no action. If you feel like someone else sometimes, I would suggest this comes from greater awareness. I feel and act more female than male in my opinion and thus my transition, nothing wrong with this. Though nothing is right either. What is Is. It’s about learning to love it. “It’s not about getting what you want, but wanting what you get!”
My goal now is to see with new eyes. To see Truth, Love, Reality! Everywhere! This requires faith to see beyond the surface, to see beyond emotion and feelings, to see beyond even Thought. I am on the road and life keeps getting better and better. Not because life is getting better, but because I am becoming more. Some call this awakening. In reality, there is no better, all is perfection. This perfection is what I realize now.
Sequoia Elisabeth
Footnote:
For those who would like to better understand the ego I recommend a few books, the best being ACIM, A Course in Miracles, the other is Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. Of course there are many other books on ACIM, I like Gary Renard’s books because he makes it interesting and understandable.
It’s Pride weekend once again here in Denver CO. As per my annual tradition I ponder the meaning of the word Pride and what it means to me. How does this serve me? (my favorite and most useful question) As an existentialist the answer would be there is no “Me” only “Us”. We are One after all!
Oneness Ministry 