Oneness Ministry

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The Transgender Journey

The transgender journey is a personal experience.  Even though this is true, this journey has certain patterns or characteristics.  Let’s look at some of the things that are similar with all transgender individuals. 

First of all, we have all realized at some level when we were very young that our bodies somehow seemed “not right”.  Whether we actually understood that our brains are one gender and our physical bodies are another is different for each person. 

There comes a time when we need to experiment with crossdressing, this may last a lifetime or it may be very brief depending on the amount of guilt associated with this action.  I remember my first time crossdressing only lasted a few minutes.  I could feel this was right for me, that I am a woman but the fear and guilt almost killed me! 

Going public with your “secret” is another phase of the journey.  Once again this phase is characterized by fear; it grips you like no horror movie ever could.  Hours are spent getting ready and you go out late at night to lessen the likely hood that you will be seen by someone you know, or that you will be discovered.  Passing is everything!  Once this has been done successfully, and excitement is felt and we get braver and braver. 

Not all transgender realize that there are other transgender people so when they realize this meeting them becomes a high priority.  It is a like attracting like, or Law of Attraction thing.  This phase can occur before or after the coming out phase and will often motivate the individual to come out at least to their friends. 

Coming out takes on all sorts of appearances, so it is hard to explain, the one thing that this phase encompasses is relief.  Once the fear of your secret has been released, life gets much easier!  The coming out usually starts with those closest to the individual and fans out from there.  The relief can be so exciting that the individual comes out to everyone they know in one big blast.  The results of which can be a mixed bag and depend on where the individual is on the journey.  If they have done the inner work to make it all OK within them, then those in their life will be OK with it.  If the guilt still rules their life then, well it can get ugly. 

Once the transgender individual begins the life experience of living full time as the opposite sex, appropriate gender for them, life often takes major turns.  Some loose it all, including jobs, relationships, pushing to the edge of losing their very life.  Others are able to transition on the job, maintain their relationships and thrive!  Once again it comes down to how mature the individual is and if they prepared for the changes.  With proper preparation the journey is deeply Joyous and rewarding. 

The next phase is one of empowerment were advocacy work becomes important.  Helping others is almost a right of passage.  We all do it to some degree.  Some will do it the rest of their lives, although most reach a point where they are happy with their bodies and wish to live an average life.  They have other concerns. 

Some have surgery and some do not, but the point comes when you are just living your new life and all is well just as it is.   The surgery is a high priority to some and to others it is not,  I would say all transgender individuals consider it at some point.  There are health concerns, cost and personal reasons to consider, not to mention sexual orientation.  The surgery can occur at any point after the crossdressing stage, although the later, the better in my opinion.  I say this because this journey is intense and can be very demanding.  The individual’s maturity and inner healing is best done in advance, because surgery is not a cure, but just a part of the process.  Yes, it does help to live the life of the chosen gender, but it is not required.  Sex is a very personal thing and I will say that for the transsexual or transgender individual that intimacy can be a challenge, it has been for me.  I expect surgery to help, but it may in fact make sex less enjoyable.  This is why getting to know yourself is so important.  How do you desire to experience intimacy?  I am a “have your cake and eat it too kinda girl.  😉

Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity   NEW eBook on Sex and Sexuality available now

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Coming Out

Coming out transgender is received differently than coming out GLB, except for your partner your Gender Identity has more effect on people you know than your Sexual Orientation does.  Some people may confuse the two and make assumptions, so I offer these things to be aware of when you make the leap.  Plan ahead and make sure you are OK with it first. 

  1. Be prepared for shock and disbelief, especially from those closest to you.  Think of how shocked you’d have been to learn of something like this about someone you thought you knew very well.
  2. Some will feel angry and betrayed and may judge you harshly.  Try to meet their anger with compassionate understanding.  Remember that they may be fearful of ‘losing’ someone of great importance in their lives.  Recognize that your transition may cause pain and hardship.  Acknowledge this pain and avoid being defensive. 
  3. Try to resist reacting with anger, as this will only make things worse.  Others are justified in feeling angry about your transition, just as you are justified in feeling the need to transition.
  4. At times you may feel euphoric about your self-discovery.  Caution against assuming others are feeling the same way about you.
  5. Expect skepticism with regard to the necessity of transitioning.  This is a natural reaction – treat it with patience.  These days, most people understand that being gay is not a matter of choice and being closeted is not healthy, so it may help to compare the need for gender transition with the need to accept one’s sexual orientation.  Treat efforts to “dissuade” you with good humor and respect.
  6. Be prepared for suggestions that your transition is a selfish choice.  If you feel you had no other choice, don’t be afraid to say so.  Ultimately, only you are qualified to judge this.  
  7. Your transition will be bewildering to many, who will look to you to help sort out their feelings.  If you maintain a positive, good-humored attitude about your transition, others are more likely to respond in kind.  Be positive about how you expect your transition to affect your life.  This is very important both for you and for others acceptance.
  8. For many, adjusting to your transition will take some time.  Keep in mind that you have spent much of your life dealing with these issues, while most have given them little thought.  For those who are disturbed by your transition, taking your time may help more than anything else you could do.
  9.  Feel free to offer information about being transgender, but don’t assume that it’s welcome.  Make clear that you welcome questions and are happy to discuss your transition.  Many are full of questions, may even be fascinated, but are reticent about prying.  When explaining transgender, do it with grace and sensitivity – don’t lecture or pontificate.
  10. As a transperson, you probably have thought more about what “gender” means than most folks.  Many will learn a thing or two about themselves when you share your experience with them.  Remember to be interested in their growth around your transition, just as you want them to be interested in yours.
  11. The type of relationship you establish before you come out will likely have a big effect on how the coming out is received.
  12. Some of your family and friends may celebrate your courage, rejoice in your finding yourself, and congratulate you on your breakthrough.  Don’t forget to show them how much their support means to you.

I Bless your journey of Love and offer my assistance if needed.  Visit my website, Unity in Gender Diversity for contact info and more information on transition both spiritual and gender related. 

I Love YOU,  Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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What Next?

Having decided that you are indeed transgender, what next?  For those who do not know, it is not always easy to accept that you are different than most people.  I mean we grow up knowing who we are and relating to the world through our eyes but we do not know what a woman is supposed to feel like or how a man is supposed to feel.  We have no frame of reference as a child. 

Gender is something that only the individual can decide or more accurately discover!  I am speaking of gender identity which has little to do with sexual orientation.  That will be an entirely different blog.  Our physical sex does not determine our gender identity and I have a great article explaining all that here on my website. 

There is an innate feeling of misalignment for the transgender person, however so many of us want to fit in believing that this determines our love.  We often think that acceptance comes from people around us like our parents and siblings.  I am here to tell you that it does not.  Acceptance comes from within our own minds and hearts after we have come to terms with our true nature.  While transgender may be a variation of natural selection it is not wrong, bad, a disorder or a disease.  It is simply who you are! 

Once you have discovered who you are, and transgender individuals often have a sense of this at an early age, the journey becomes accepting yourself; loving the differences while noticing the similarities also, because acceptance is loving the whole package.   Honor the feelings you have inside by allowing them to express.  Look deep inside and embrace your findings with courage.  If you need help along the way ask!  This inner journey is something that everyone must do in order to grow and to expand their understanding of who they are. 

If you are someone who loves a transgender person then I salute your choice and your bravery.  Love is not about right or wrong it is about discovery of the deeper self.  It is a two way journey and a blessing for everyone participating.  Love is unconditional and it often chooses us, by this I mean we fall into it quite unknowingly.  Once there it can be a wonderful and magical experience when embraced.  The unknown can be scary so let me assure you that nothing but good comes from Love.   To be continued….

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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Is It Time?

How do I know I am ready to transition?  What do you think about when you wake up in the morning?  What are you thinking about when you go to bed?  Are you thinking about it all through the day?  In this case you probably already have started your transition.  I of course am speaking of transitioning from male to female or female to male in order to express ones gender identity.

Many people who are not transgender ask the question, why do you need to transition at all?  To many TG’s the answer is obvious but let me just clarify.  Being transgender is living a lie unless we can express ourselves as who we truly are.  We need to transition as much as anyone needs to be understood and loved!  If you can imagine going through life without love, never being understood, not being able to express your ideas, and not being able to live your visions and dreams, then you know what it is like to not transition. 

There is an energy expressing in us, through us, as us and to withhold that energy is impossible.  It must be released or the person dies, or harms another.  It really is very simple, are you being the person of your dreams?  If not, then why?  Are you fulfilling your destiny?  If you are truly a transgender person and you are living your birth sex then no you are not fulfilling your destiny. 

This is not something that pops up at the age of 35 or 40 all of sudden.  This is something that has been with you since birth and you have been denying it.  If you have no memory of having gender doubt or feelings of not being in the right body then you are not transgender.  And I mean constantly for years and not just a few times. 

The important thing is to live your life authentically and be true to who you are inside. In order to do this you must be honest with yourself.  And you must get to know yourself.  Some of us are so busy living stereotypes and expectations of others we don’t even know who we are.  Being alone is very important for this and I would suggest taking a camping trip or weekend in a remote place with no electronics.  Simply be with yourself, feel your feelings, write your thoughts down, find things that you enjoy.  How are you creative?  What are your best features?   What would you like to share about yourself with the world? 

Once you figure out who you are, then share that with those closest to you.  Find those who are supportive and be willing to let go of those who are not, and this sometimes means letting go of those closest to you, parents, children, spouses, family.  You deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are!   Please do not hide from the world.  You are loved and our purpose here is to share that love.  Being Transgender is a gift, just like being a genius or a natural athlete.  If all the above describes you then maybe it is time to transition. 

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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The Essence of Transition

So what is transition really?  Ok, so it is a change, but what does that mean?  Change is the most constant force in the Universe!  By transition do we mean a flower blooming?  Or a child growing to an adult?  Not really, although those can be thought of as transitions.  Let’s go deeper and be a bit more specific.  The transition I am speaking of today is gender. 

In one way the transition is not about change at all, but about awareness.  Just being aware of what already is.  Our core person does not change; it is who we are.  Like peeling the layers of an onion the transition journey is about looking deeper within and throwing away the false self.  We have many false identities not just one.  Getting caught up in this outer world is so easy with all the roles we have thrust upon us.  

“Real” gender transition is about removing the false persona, or male identity (for MtoF) which we created to “fit” into the world based on the existing rules.  Removing the veil and allowing our authentic self to emerge is what the journey is all about.  Growing up takes time so transition does not happen overnight, however it does happen a lot faster than the first time around, unless you are one of the lucky ones who have not allowed the veil to be drawn.  When we start young the false persona is not created, but we still must be aware of our authentic self and make sure that is who we are expressing.

Transition is a natural process that really needs no assistance other than deep awareness.  Are you aware of how you feel?  What makes you happy?  Have you walked down that road and deeply enjoyed the journey?  If you are male transitioning to female then dress up and see how it feels.  Know as much as you can what you are getting into (or vice versa guys).  Letting go of your male persona is like trying to escape a swarm of mosquitoes!  It can drive you insane! 

Sometimes guidance is necessary along the way, so please get help if you can.  Discovering the aspects of you that are false can be a long road and not an obvious one.  The most important aspect of the transition journey is to be authentic and natural.  Authenticity involves following your bliss, and doing that which brings Joy to your heart.  Let go of any desire to play a role or attempt to fit other people’s expectations.  It is not about being black or white (male or female), but about showing your true colors!

Blessings on your journey of Love      🙂  Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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Let’s Review

Coping tools for Transition are the main purpose of this blog so let’s do a review here.  Transition is all about change and can include anything from moving to a new city, starting a new job or embracing a change in physical gender.  There are no two transitions quite the same, so please apply these techniques to your situation. 

I have talked about many things so far, but the most important tools I have discussed are the 6 senses of the mind which began Feb. 2, 2010.  If you have not read these I would recommend you go to those blogs and give them a look.  The mind is a powerful thing to waste! 

The other tools I discuss are awareness, compassion, community, and Universal Laws.  The topics I discuss include Death, 2012, time, visioning, gratitude, unity, oneness, Love, morality, relationships, the transsexual transition, post-op regret/grief, jobs, societal perception, introspection, and journeys.

Looking over this list there are a few subjects I have not covered well and will be including in the days to come.  I will be talking about community, support groups, suicide, and anything that my readers suggest.  Having some feedback on subjects that you are interested in is most helpful, so please write to me and let me know.  If you found this blog without going to my website then please pop over and give it a look. Unity in Gender Diversity

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

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Time is of the Essence

There is no time like the present!  In fact there is no time but the present.  Are you listening?  The present time is the only time that exists, so are you making use of your time?  Transition is one of those things that takes time.  The physical transition alone will take at least three years.  Hormones take that long to reach the peak effects even though changes will be occurring during the whole process. 

Planning your transition in advance has many advantages and can actually save you time in the long run.  The biggest mistake that people make when transitioning genders is to get into a hurry.  Don’t take my word for it, talk to others who have transitioned.  Relax, take a deep breath and let go for a minute.  Do an evaluation of where you are right now.  If you are still questioning whether transitioning is right for you then I would highly recommend talking to a gender specialist.  Therapy can help you go deeper into who you are and the path that you have chosen. 

Notice I said chosen, because your life’s journey was chosen before you were born!  It is your job now to discover that path and follow it to the best of your ability.  This often takes on the appearance of you making a string of good decisions or possibly bad ones that lead you to where you are today.  Whether they are good or bad does not matter.  If you are a woman in a male body then it is best you do something about it.  The same goes for men in female bodies.  The sooner the better!  Let me stress that once more, THE SOONER THE BETTER.  Ask for help if you are having difficulty facing this. 

We now have children facing these issues at an ever increasing rate.  This is great because the transition can be made complete when puberty is guided in the appropriate direction.  The right way to do this does not exist as an absolute.  The path I recommend is to have the child evaluated and after they insist they are transgender for two years solid the next step is hormone suppression.  Put puberty on hold till they are sixteen or a legal adult and then they can make the proper decisions from there.  Allow gender expression that suits the individual, not that meets the expectation of society. 

I have a planning guide on my website that can be used to plan your transition.  Come up with a plan in advance.  Make sure you have money and maintain a source of income, because this gets expensive.  The electrolysis can be as expensive as the surgery so be aware of that.  The planning guide goes into specifics so I will not do so here. 

Be aware that time can be your friend when it is used as such.  Even if you have postponed this transition for many years, once you make the decision to transition, make a plan, and take one step at a time.  I wish you a blessed journey!

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Keeping up with the Jones’s

God makes us all different, but it is the ego mind (ego is equated with the psyche or mind of man) that feels that it is incomplete and wants to make everything the same.  That keep up with the Jones’s mentality is what gets so many of us in trouble.  Why?  Simply because we are driven to be something we are not.  This happens with gender too.  Maybe you feel like you are not a “good” woman or man, but somehow inferior.  You know the game, my thighs are too big or too small, my waist is fat, or I am way to short.  All the comparison we make of our bodies to others is driven by this inner feeling of insecurity controlled by our ego mind.  Now I am not here to bash the ego, far from it.  Instead I would say that the ego serves its purpose, but it is important to realize when the ego has control over your actions.  Basically I use this method to know if I am in my “right” mind (not ego mind). I simply get in touch with my feelings and focus on the area in the center of my body.  If I am feeling good, then all is OK and I should proceed, but if instead I feel a tight tension, pain or sick feeling then I should re-assess my actions.  I call this soul guidance, because feelings are the seat of the soul.  Your Higher Self or soul is communicating with you through your feelings!  Are you listening?  When you are thinking of beginning a transition be it a gender transformation or a work transition, whatever, check in with your soul!  One thing that many people do not realize is that no one can tell you that you are a man or woman.  Gender Identity is subjective and only you know how you feel.  Many of us know that we feel like a woman very early on and some report as early as 2-3 years old, however many of us do not make that connection that I have this body, I should be feeling this way!  Why?  We have no idea what it feels like to be one sex or the other we only know how we feel and that it is either right or wrong.  I never felt wrong, I only felt like myself.  I had no idea in my early years that I was a woman.  I was given a male body and I accepted that the way I felt was male!  Only later after puberty did I feel like wearing woman’s clothing.  By this time programming had taken over and I was locked into living a lie!  I did question reality so to speak when I was 17, but Harry Benjamin had just released his very strict guidelines for transition and I was a bit freaked out by them.  I mean living a full year as a woman with no help what so ever, no hormones, no surgery, and even the prospects of having counseling help seemed very remote.  So I did my best to be the man everyone else expected me to be.  I was living in my ego mind!  I would have brief moments of “sanity” when I would ‘crossdress’(which in reality was dressing properly in truth).  We can only live the lie for so long before things start to break down.  The feelings at this time of transition can be tricky.  I was scared to death of being “caught” and yet I did it anyway because it felt so good.  It just felt right!  From what I have learned over these last ten years is that these urges to crossdress come in cycles and for most male to female transgender persons it runs around 15 years, and what I mean by this is that we have a period of crisis urges where we dress appropriately or freak out!  Now I am fully in Transition and loving my life as my natural self!  See this is the key to it all.  Being yourself!  Now many of you will say, Duh o.O!  Not everybody lives their authentic selves, even in the transgender world some people are still living a life they believe others want them to.  They are conforming to a bi-gender world, were we are either male or female.  The fact is that gender is a spectrum and you can be any combination of male and female.  Few people are completely one or the other.  This is gender identity not sexual orientation that I am talking about.  So please get in touch with your soul (feelings) and be yourself!  You will be happy you did. 

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

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