Oneness Ministry

We are One

Mirrors of Friendship II

Transition is a long and sometimes arduous journey so it is very important to treasure each moment of Joy and each success along the path.  Doing this alone is certainly possible, but the Joy grows exponentially when there is someone who cares to share the experiences with.

Often the decision to begin the transition journey i.e. come out to your partner or parent(s) is the biggest challenge.  Will they accept you?  The real question is do you accept yourself?  The only way to know if you accept yourself is to observe how others treat you.  I know this may seem backward or strange, but this is just how it works.  Understand this… you are all there is, all else is a reflection of who you are.  This may seem odd and self-centered, but it is the Truth and it is both good and bad news.

I call this the mirror principle.  Life is often like living in a house of mirrors, and it can get pretty confusing.  This being said let’s get back to your partner who is having difficulty with your coming out news.  Each person in your life has their own vision of you… as a reflection of themselves, because from their perspective they are the only person there is!  So, be gentle with your expectations of them just as you are gentle with your expectations of yourself.  Do on to others as you would have done on to you, because they are you!  We are One.  Each person is an individuation of the whole; the One; all there is.  All those who are close to you will transition with you or they will fall out of your life.  Transition/change is like walking into a new room, if they do not come with you,… well you get the idea.

When you think about this it explains a lot about the reactions and treatment you get from others.  You may or may not be treated well, however the longer and deeper your understanding of this reality the better life gets.  Those who see themselves to be like you or see something in common are going to be supportive and understanding (and vice versa).  This is a great reason to join a support group!  The internet is a great place to look for one, or you could ask around, network with friends and if you still need help, contact me – I am here for you.  The time spent with others on a similar journey will help you to better understand yourself and give you the opportunity to grow self love.  The Love you give is the Love you receive!  Not only do support groups offer much needed information such as where to go to get the things you need, what to look out for along the path, and who can help you; they show you who you are and I find this to be the greatest gift anyone can offer!

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity     FREE eBooks! Click Here


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Makeup Questions

Let’s do something fun for a change!  There are six questions below that I have answered and I am asking you to answer as well.  You can post the answers in comments section.  The question is in Hot Pink, the answer is in Neon Green.  Think not only of the answer, but why that is the answer…why do you use that product or why do you use make-up in the first place?  We can get to know each other, but most important you will get to know yourself.

1. What Brand of Make-up do you use and what types, like Foundation: Powders, Creams, Airbrush, Liquids, or stick on?

I use different Brands depending on the purpose, so for basic use I prefer Mary Kay and have both liquid foundation and mineral powder.   For a more dramatic effect I have Mac foundation with a complete brush set, blush, concealer and cream foundation. 

2. What brands, colors, & styles of eye shadows do you like? Example: Smoky, Natural, Animal, Punk, Classic, Trends 1930’s—1970’ and so on… YOU have Gothic, Drag Queens, Move stars, you get the point. (three part question)

I used to sell Mary Kay so I have lots of their product, so that is the brand.  The colors accent my reddish hair and light skin tone, so I use a lot of earth tones, browns, reds, & greens.  As a natural type girl I do not dress up very often, but when I do I like the Egyptian Goddess look, or Mayan/Amazon Princess. 

3. Do you wear False Eyelashes? If so, what brand and types.

I do not wear falsies usually, but have when I had make overs done by a professional.  So I am not sure what the brand or type was.  My latest mascara is “The Falsies” by Mabelline which I like very much, especially the curved and angled brush because it lifts and separates the lashes making them fuller.   

4. What brands, types, colors, of Blushes do you use?  For example creams, powders etc… you get the point.

I also do not normally wear blush, but when I do it is Mac cream in a natural medium shade skin color or I simply use lipstick so it matches the color scheme I am using.

5. Lipsticks: What is your color…. Brand, or flavor?

Lipstick is by far my favorite and I used to wear it even as a boy.  I no longer do boy mode, and continue to wear lipstick at all times.  At the very least I have Chapstick on.  My favorite brand of lipstick so far is Avon, My Lip Miracle Lipcolor.  I also have Mary Kay, L’Oreal, Revlon, Maybelline, and some off brands which I chose for the unusual colors.  The colors I prefer are Corals, Pinks, Purples and Lavender.  I used to have light blue but that is gone.  I would love to have the entire rainbow!  The lips are our sensual window to the soul – feeling!  Nothing more sensual than a juicy lesbian lipstick kiss!  However, guys kiss pretty good too 😉

6. When was the first time you ever put on Make-up?

Around the age of 9-10 with my Mom’s makeup I dressed up.  It felt good, but I was also very afraid of being caught, so I did not do this very often.  Now I wear make-up, at least mascara and lipstick, every day.  It is something I enjoy, because I like feeling pretty.   On a deeper level I think it connects me to the women I most love, my Mom, Grandmother, and Aunts.  I cannot imagine not wearing make-up! 


🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity    Free eBooks

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Gender Transition

What is the purpose of gender transition?  A feeling of dysphoria is controlling your life, you feel uncomfortable in your body and out of place in your gender role.  You feel compelled to live your life in the opposite gender and to do so fully, gender transition is necessary.  There is a question of degree also.  Do you feel like the other gender all the time or only occasionally?  Will you be happy crossdressing and being in those gender roles part time?  Not such an easy question to answer for many. 

From my experience it is an evolution that begins early in your life when you first realize that you feel feminine more than masculine and have a male body, or vice versa.  Like I said there are degrees and social constructs for you to step into.  Will you be happy as a feminine man or masculine woman?  What clothing are you most comfortable wearing, men’s or women’s or maybe both or even a mixture?  Which gender role feels right?

Gender Identity is an internal function of your brain that is hardwired from birth and your journey here on earth is to discover who you are!  Regardless of the physical body you were given at birth, this is about being harmonious in your body as the person you are naturally.  Think about this for a minute, “Naturally“.  What feels natural to you?  What feels like second nature or instinctual for you?  Forget that you have a body at all.  Close your eyes and feel the Truth. 

The gender transition journey involves living in harmony as who you are naturally.  The mirror will often betray your self-image, so do not get distracted by what you see.  The goal is to feel comfortable and happy with who you are being.  If you can love the person in the mirror then you are doing great!  As this is the ultimate goal.  Transition is not about conforming to society’s expectations.  Or what you perceive as society’s expectations.  In fact this may be about your misconception of society’s expectations!

What are expectations and where do they come from?  Expectations are behavior patterns that you accept as given per the circumstances.  They come from your own mind and were passed on by those who raised you.  You could say that they are learned, but I think it is more systemic than that.  We are each like a cog in a clock, we fit in and do our part in the larger functioning of the clock.  It could be argued that certain parts are not necessary, but that is a limited view.  I prefer to say that each part is necessary or it would not be here, we just do not know the function or understand its purpose.  Transgender often falls in this category.

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The Transgender Journey

The transgender journey is a personal experience.  Even though this is true, this journey has certain patterns or characteristics.  Let’s look at some of the things that are similar with all transgender individuals. 

First of all, we have all realized at some level when we were very young that our bodies somehow seemed “not right”.  Whether we actually understood that our brains are one gender and our physical bodies are another is different for each person. 

There comes a time when we need to experiment with crossdressing, this may last a lifetime or it may be very brief depending on the amount of guilt associated with this action.  I remember my first time crossdressing only lasted a few minutes.  I could feel this was right for me, that I am a woman but the fear and guilt almost killed me! 

Going public with your “secret” is another phase of the journey.  Once again this phase is characterized by fear; it grips you like no horror movie ever could.  Hours are spent getting ready and you go out late at night to lessen the likely hood that you will be seen by someone you know, or that you will be discovered.  Passing is everything!  Once this has been done successfully, and excitement is felt and we get braver and braver. 

Not all transgender realize that there are other transgender people so when they realize this meeting them becomes a high priority.  It is a like attracting like, or Law of Attraction thing.  This phase can occur before or after the coming out phase and will often motivate the individual to come out at least to their friends. 

Coming out takes on all sorts of appearances, so it is hard to explain, the one thing that this phase encompasses is relief.  Once the fear of your secret has been released, life gets much easier!  The coming out usually starts with those closest to the individual and fans out from there.  The relief can be so exciting that the individual comes out to everyone they know in one big blast.  The results of which can be a mixed bag and depend on where the individual is on the journey.  If they have done the inner work to make it all OK within them, then those in their life will be OK with it.  If the guilt still rules their life then, well it can get ugly. 

Once the transgender individual begins the life experience of living full time as the opposite sex, appropriate gender for them, life often takes major turns.  Some loose it all, including jobs, relationships, pushing to the edge of losing their very life.  Others are able to transition on the job, maintain their relationships and thrive!  Once again it comes down to how mature the individual is and if they prepared for the changes.  With proper preparation the journey is deeply Joyous and rewarding. 

The next phase is one of empowerment were advocacy work becomes important.  Helping others is almost a right of passage.  We all do it to some degree.  Some will do it the rest of their lives, although most reach a point where they are happy with their bodies and wish to live an average life.  They have other concerns. 

Some have surgery and some do not, but the point comes when you are just living your new life and all is well just as it is.   The surgery is a high priority to some and to others it is not,  I would say all transgender individuals consider it at some point.  There are health concerns, cost and personal reasons to consider, not to mention sexual orientation.  The surgery can occur at any point after the crossdressing stage, although the later, the better in my opinion.  I say this because this journey is intense and can be very demanding.  The individual’s maturity and inner healing is best done in advance, because surgery is not a cure, but just a part of the process.  Yes, it does help to live the life of the chosen gender, but it is not required.  Sex is a very personal thing and I will say that for the transsexual or transgender individual that intimacy can be a challenge, it has been for me.  I expect surgery to help, but it may in fact make sex less enjoyable.  This is why getting to know yourself is so important.  How do you desire to experience intimacy?  I am a “have your cake and eat it too kinda girl.  😉

Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity   NEW eBook on Sex and Sexuality available now

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Gender Roles

Continuing from yesterday on the subject of gender roles, please read yesterday’s blog first.  I will get into the new eBook more on the next blog.  Gender role is something that many people take for granted and accept without question.  Others though are never comfortable in their gender role and live in the traditional roles of the opposite sex, for example a woman in combat military duty, fighting on the frontlines, or a young man who babysits and works in daycare. 

Obviously there is nothing wrong with this, my point here is that the roles that define man and woman are blurring.  Many young readers will question this blog as so what!  However the older reader will remember when the thought of a man working at a daycare was not acceptable, nor was a woman in combat!  Women did not break into male dominated professions till early in the last century and only on an exceptional basis.  Medical doctors for instance were all men till 1849 when Elizabeth Blackwell graduated from medical school in New York.  Now days 50% or more of medical doctors who graduate medical school are female. 

Many vocational professions still shun women, so why is this?  Is there really a reason why a woman cannot fix a car or fire a weapon?  I will tell you that from my view women are feminine in essence and for that reason are usually not ideal for aggressive vocations such as fighting.  The real issue comes in with stereotypes and is perpetuated by learning.  We are taught from the day we are born what a particular gender does.  If your sex was male at birth then you are taught what the gender roles of men are.  If for some reason you participate in a woman’s role then you are disciplined or corrected. 

Physically each person has gifts that give them an advantage and putting those gifts to work makes a lot of sense.  When it comes right down to it, anyone can do any job, however some people will have an advantage in certain work situations.  It is important to see the person for the skills they possess and stop using gender as a clear indicator as to whether this person will be good at it.  If a woman wishes to do wood carving or car repair and becomes good at it then they should be welcomed as much as anyone else.  The same goes for men who enjoy working with babies or love to sew.

Male privilege is something that also figures in here, because traditionally men have been more accepted than women no matter what they do!  This is changing in today’s world, thank goodness, however it still exists and all I ask is that you see it and stop supporting it.   All people are created equal in God’s eyes.

Personal relationships challenge our gender roles more than anything else, so I would like you to look closely at your life.  Do you treat the opposite gender differently?  Why?  Is it ok for a woman to open the door for her man or for a woman to buy flowers for her partner?  If they do does this make them masculine?  Is this just common courtesy?  Should we put limits on what a person can do just because they are a certain gender?  Or should we listen to our heart and do what feels good?   I think you know the answer to these questions and there is no right answer, only what works for you!

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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Coming Out

Coming out transgender is received differently than coming out GLB, except for your partner your Gender Identity has more effect on people you know than your Sexual Orientation does.  Some people may confuse the two and make assumptions, so I offer these things to be aware of when you make the leap.  Plan ahead and make sure you are OK with it first. 

  1. Be prepared for shock and disbelief, especially from those closest to you.  Think of how shocked you’d have been to learn of something like this about someone you thought you knew very well.
  2. Some will feel angry and betrayed and may judge you harshly.  Try to meet their anger with compassionate understanding.  Remember that they may be fearful of ‘losing’ someone of great importance in their lives.  Recognize that your transition may cause pain and hardship.  Acknowledge this pain and avoid being defensive. 
  3. Try to resist reacting with anger, as this will only make things worse.  Others are justified in feeling angry about your transition, just as you are justified in feeling the need to transition.
  4. At times you may feel euphoric about your self-discovery.  Caution against assuming others are feeling the same way about you.
  5. Expect skepticism with regard to the necessity of transitioning.  This is a natural reaction – treat it with patience.  These days, most people understand that being gay is not a matter of choice and being closeted is not healthy, so it may help to compare the need for gender transition with the need to accept one’s sexual orientation.  Treat efforts to “dissuade” you with good humor and respect.
  6. Be prepared for suggestions that your transition is a selfish choice.  If you feel you had no other choice, don’t be afraid to say so.  Ultimately, only you are qualified to judge this.  
  7. Your transition will be bewildering to many, who will look to you to help sort out their feelings.  If you maintain a positive, good-humored attitude about your transition, others are more likely to respond in kind.  Be positive about how you expect your transition to affect your life.  This is very important both for you and for others acceptance.
  8. For many, adjusting to your transition will take some time.  Keep in mind that you have spent much of your life dealing with these issues, while most have given them little thought.  For those who are disturbed by your transition, taking your time may help more than anything else you could do.
  9.  Feel free to offer information about being transgender, but don’t assume that it’s welcome.  Make clear that you welcome questions and are happy to discuss your transition.  Many are full of questions, may even be fascinated, but are reticent about prying.  When explaining transgender, do it with grace and sensitivity – don’t lecture or pontificate.
  10. As a transperson, you probably have thought more about what “gender” means than most folks.  Many will learn a thing or two about themselves when you share your experience with them.  Remember to be interested in their growth around your transition, just as you want them to be interested in yours.
  11. The type of relationship you establish before you come out will likely have a big effect on how the coming out is received.
  12. Some of your family and friends may celebrate your courage, rejoice in your finding yourself, and congratulate you on your breakthrough.  Don’t forget to show them how much their support means to you.

I Bless your journey of Love and offer my assistance if needed.  Visit my website, Unity in Gender Diversity for contact info and more information on transition both spiritual and gender related. 

I Love YOU,  Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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