Attention! Ego calling.
This is our daily life because the ego is our interface to this world. Without it there would be no world. This however is not a bad thing since this world is illusion. Reality exists beyond space and time and has no thing to do with the world you see around you. For more on this please refer to ACIM (a course in miracles) and Law of One (the teachings of RA). I needed to lay a groundwork for this blog which will better explain my following insights.
I have been doing a lot of childhood and adolescent analysis of my life. It has become clear to me that most of my behavior was based on a need to be loved. I did not realize I was loved so much and thus my hypochondriac tendencies and later my transgender identity. Much of our behavior as human beings can be traced back to this separation idea on which life in time and space is based. The very concept of space and time are separation. Since the moment I was born I have been crying for attention, literally at first. Mom told me I cried for the first month after I was born and as it turned out I had a double hernia and had surgery to fix it. The two things I did a lot as a child is sleep and cry. I did not want to be here… in this illusion. Perhaps it could be called a nightmare. It was not always one though. I have wonderful memories too. The time I spent with family and in nature was usually very good. As time went on I observed how much my mother was loved by father, brother, and others. I craved what she had and perhaps this is where the seed of my transgender identity sprouted from. I wanted to be like Mom. Of course my crying was fairly effective and got me some attention. I was so insecure that I sucked my thumb till the age of 9 yrs old. The only way my parents could break me of this habit was to have a dental device implanted so that I got stuck by prongs if I put my thumb in my mouth. Wow. It is funny to even think of this now. How absurd life is. Why do I hang on so? False Fear would be my observation at this point.
What I have discovered is there is nothing to fear, it is just a dream and it is time to wake up. It is time to grow up and be the mature loving beings we are! I suspect this whole construct of Transgender and gender non-conformity is rooted in fear of not being loved. (Thus the “cure” is to Love …unconditionally) It is just one method the ego mind uses to make us feel special, to feel deserving of being loved. My work with the transgender community has shown me this need to be special trumps all others motivations. We all need Love. Or do we? ACIM teaches us that we are the Love we seek. That to look outside ourselves for it results in anxiety and depression. That search is futile! Why do we see so much anxiety and depression in the world? Because of this very idea that Love comes from others! It does not. There is no “other” but what is projected by the ego. We are One, means there is only one Mind, the Mind of God (use whatever label you prefer). The ego mind is splintered from this whole and according to ACIM has already been corrected. What we are experiencing is like a echo or memory of that which has already occurred. The only way out is through. This is my focus now – to keep moving forward! I know the truth now, I am not this body, I am free, I am just as God created me! What I have been and because I am still alive, am still witnessing, is this illusion called life. It is not good nor bad, it just is and will be till such time that it is not. Instead of getting, life is about giving that which one desires and in this process one gets what one needs. I no longer seek Love “out there”. I know it is who I am! The crying has stopped. And this is a good thing.
Sequoia Elisabeth 🙂
onenessministry.info Transness.org
Oneness Ministry 