Oneness Ministry

We are One

Jun 20

To Be Or Not To Be

by Sequoia Elisabeth

To have GRS (Genital Reassignment Surgery) or not, is sort of like the question “to be or not to be”?  It is a choice all gender variant individuals must answer.  Of course we could get into the terminology game and define the different stages of the transition journey, but we will not. (Please see how I define terms here) Take me for example, (because I don’t like to speak for others) I have identified as no less than 7 gender identities including man, woman, androgynous, crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, and transsexual.  I am not sure many others even exist, except for maybe queer or genderqueer and in my day that was a very undesirable label.  I hated that label almost as much as being called Lurch.  To say I have an identity crisis is an understatement; my life is an identity crisis!  Or is it?

The reality is life is always growing, changing, and experimenting with various forms of existence and humans are no different.  How many people do you know who are happy with only one outfit, one flavor of cake, one of anything in their lives?  It sounds absurd to me to even think of living in the same house all your life, from birth to death.  Many have done this and that is the beauty of nature.  If it is possible then it has occurred at least once.

Variety is the spice of life!  So how you identify is up to you and it does not have to be set in stone.  Crossdressers identify as their birth sex, but like being the other from time to time, so they dress in the clothes of the opposite sex.  To me this is not necessarily a gender identity issue.  It certainly is not an illness or disorder.  It could however be classified as a fetish.  The point being here is these individuals have no desire to have GRS.

I like to think of gender as a rainbow or sliding scale.  The scale runs from male to female and has many degrees in between.   It looks like the graph to the right.  The other factor which confuses things is a person can fluctuate on the scale from day to day and even moment to moment.

So how does one decide that GRS is right for them?  This is the million dollar question!  It is not a decision you can reverse.  So taking it seriously is highly advised.  Getting in tune with your inner feelings and experimenting with different lifestyles and roles is important in reaching this decision.  How do you feel most comfortable?  Are you sure?  Is is always this way or does it fluctuate?  If it fluctuates to any degree then maybe you should wait on GRS.  I have seen several different statistics indicating that most GRS candidates are happy post op and the numbers of people feeling they had made a mistake are few in comparison.  WPATH guidelines were design just for the purpose of assuring only true transsexuals or severe gender dysphoric individuals get the surgery.

So what do you do if you are in the middle somewhere?  Gender Dysphoric but only mildly and able to live in the birth sexes gender role.  This is a choice for the individual ultimately, but a professional specializing in gender issues should be consulted for at least 3 months and preferably for a year or more.  From my experience it is often other issues that depress the individual making gender dysphoria a secondary condition.  Again this is why it is so important to have professional help.

Next time we will discuss sexual orientation and its role in the GRS question if it has one which I feel it does.  Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation are different, yet connected, like much of life!

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Transgender Etiquette 

Gender Related Transitions

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May 17

Gender Diversity

by Sequoia Elisabeth

What does this mean?  The title of this website is Unity in Gender Diversity so it may help to have a concept as to what this means.  In this blog I will break it down into each component so you have a deep understanding of the message behind this title.

First of all, Unity is self explanatory.  It means Oneness and interconnectedness of all things.  You are intimately connected to every aspect of your life like a bubble of sea foam on the surf is connected to the ocean.  Separation is a concept, not a reality.  The reality is Unity.

Gender is also a concept which has been created by society.  The reality is gender has several aspects some of which are fluid and some are not.  Sexual expression or human sex includes – male, female, and intersex.  However sex is NOT gender!  Gender is an individual‘s perception of the inner self as man, woman, or some combination of both, transgender.  Gender and sex are hardwired into the brain at birth, however what is not hardwired is social conditioning and this accounts for much of our behavior.  (For more in depth explanation, please read – Sex and Sexuality)

At birth each child is labeled as male or female and in a few cases intersex.  So society treats this child according to certain unspoken guidelines, boys are treated with privilege, while girls are pampered and the intersex child is often treated as a mistake or disease.  The fact about intersex children is simply that they are a natural variance.  There is nothing “wrong” with these children!  Unfortunately what often happens is the physician, family or both decide what is right instead of allowing the individual to choose when they are old enough to make this decision.

The gender rules are constantly changing so I admit that the above description is only one perspective.  The point I make here is that gender is a social construct layered upon the natural, hardwired gender of the individual.  The way I see it is simply that I was born with male sex and a female brain, while my social conditioning was male the hardwired gender is female.  There is nothing “wrong” with this, it just is.

I do contend that nature knows best so this means I am transgender!  I am not man or woman, I am a combination of both.  The funny thing about gender is that it occurs on a spectrum like a rainbow so very few individuals are fully man or woman, most people are somewhere in between.  When combined with sex and a few other factors our self image emerges.  As you grow this self image may change and thus the title of this blog, Transitions Blog.

The diversity aspect is also somewhat apparent, so I will simply say that the world is a rainbow.  Each and every aspect that makes us human comes in a spectrum and thus the infinite expressions of being a Human Being.  Even twins are not the same although they are more alike than any other humans.
When combined, Unity in Gender Diversity, means that we are all interconnected human beings with diverse gender identities and social presentations.  Just as snowflakes are all similar but different, Human Beings are too!

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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Jan 20

Gender Transition

by Sequoia Elisabeth

What is the purpose of gender transition?  A feeling of dysphoria is controlling your life, you feel uncomfortable in your body and out of place in your gender role.  You feel compelled to live your life in the opposite gender and to do so fully, gender transition is necessary.  There is a question of degree also.  Do you feel like the other gender all the time or only occasionally?  Will you be happy crossdressing and being in those gender roles part time?  Not such an easy question to answer for many. 

From my experience it is an evolution that begins early in your life when you first realize that you feel feminine more than masculine and have a male body, or vice versa.  Like I said there are degrees and social constructs for you to step into.  Will you be happy as a feminine man or masculine woman?  What clothing are you most comfortable wearing, men’s or women’s or maybe both or even a mixture?  Which gender role feels right?

Gender Identity is an internal function of your brain that is hardwired from birth and your journey here on earth is to discover who you are!  Regardless of the physical body you were given at birth, this is about being harmonious in your body as the person you are naturally.  Think about this for a minute, “Naturally“.  What feels natural to you?  What feels like second nature or instinctual for you?  Forget that you have a body at all.  Close your eyes and feel the Truth. 

The gender transition journey involves living in harmony as who you are naturally.  The mirror will often betray your self-image, so do not get distracted by what you see.  The goal is to feel comfortable and happy with who you are being.  If you can love the person in the mirror then you are doing great!  As this is the ultimate goal.  Transition is not about conforming to society’s expectations.  Or what you perceive as society’s expectations.  In fact this may be about your misconception of society’s expectations!

What are expectations and where do they come from?  Expectations are behavior patterns that you accept as given per the circumstances.  They come from your own mind and were passed on by those who raised you.  You could say that they are learned, but I think it is more systemic than that.  We are each like a cog in a clock, we fit in and do our part in the larger functioning of the clock.  It could be argued that certain parts are not necessary, but that is a limited view.  I prefer to say that each part is necessary or it would not be here, we just do not know the function or understand its purpose.  Transgender often falls in this category.

Gender Related Transitions

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Jan 4

SRS/GRS Treatment Planning

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Where does SRS/GRS fit into the treatment plan for Gender Incongruity(GI)/Gender Identity Disorder(GID)?  The terms GRS (Genital Reassignment Surgery) and GI (Gender Incongruity) will be used from here on to make this flow easier.  The diagnosis has been made and you are now in therapy, so what next?

The answer to this question is really up to you and your therapist or physician.  There are no rules here so I recommend doing your research and getting to know the options as well as getting to know yourself a little better. Your therapist should be helpful in guiding you in the decision of whether you need GRS and where to place it in your treatment plan.  It is not their decision to make though, it is yours.  Please understand that you are responsible for finding your way to relief.  The professionals are there to help and provide guidance.

The next step is to decide if you have enough funding to get the surgery soon or will it be years before you can afford it?  If you have money or the resources to get it, then you have several options.  Even if you don’t have the money now, you have options.  Here they are.  Get an orchiectomy right at the beginning (if you are FtoM – hysterectomy) so you do not have to take hormone blockers.  For FtoM it just makes the testosterone that much more effective.  Any cosmetic surgeries desired can be done later in the transition as is convenient.  After fully transitioning and living in the chosen gender and knowing you are happy, get the full GRS.  This option makes the most sense to me, however most doctors are uneasy with this choice, probably because they are not the ones with discomfort. (Reproduction desires need to be addressed also, since this option sterilizes)

The next option is to get hormone treatment and electrolysis done and after going full time as your chosen gender, have GRS done and leave cosmetic surgery to last.  The reasoning here is financial and basically goes in order of importance and cost.  This seems to be the most popular option chosen, for obvious reasons.  Start where you are and take a new step each day toward your ideal. 

Those with lots of money sometimes get carried away with the surgeries and do all kinds of physical alteration without fully embracing the changes emotionally.  From my experience this is a difficult path and somewhat backwards.  Gender transition is an emotional process and the surgery is meant to assist in the assimilation into society.  Where the surgery is very important, so is taking the time to learn what it means to be a woman when you were raised as a man, or vice versa.  Jumping in with the surgery can lead to disaster when you have changed your appearance and not your self concept. 

When I first started my journey one of the questions I asked my therapist is where does GRS fit into my treatment? (I already knew I wanted it, and most of us do)  He told me it does not matter if you get it early or later, the important part is to break down the false persona you created to fit into society and allow your natural self to emerge.  The surgery will re-enforce your feelings and make it easier for you, but does not really matter to a person who will never see between your legs!  GRS is for your own satisfaction in knowing your body reflects your self image.   

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity     Discover Sex and Sexuality click here

Gender Related Transitions

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Jan 3

Is SRS Really Necessary?

by Sequoia Elisabeth

This is first in a series of blogs on Sex Change Surgery, so the obvious question “Is SRS/GRS Really Necessary?”  Right from the start I will concede this is a loaded question; however, it is a question I have asked myself many times.  The answer is as individual as the person considering it.  The answer should NOT be undertaken alone and should be a consensus by medical professionals trained in gender issues and the transsexual individual.  The bottom line is no one can tell you what your gender is!  Gender is self determined, however the treatment for Gender Incongruity or Gender Dysphoria as it used to be called is a complex issue that requires guidance.  I am not saying it could not be done alone, only that is much easier and more rewarding when support is provided by caring professionals, friends, and family.

With this being said, it would be foolish to jump to a conclusion when something as drastic as SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) or as some prefer, GRS (Genital Reassignment Surgery) is considered.  The question of other conditions being present such as mental illness, birth defects, medical conditions etc. needs to be ruled out before surgery is implemented.  Just as a doctor considering a liver transplant will make sure the patient does not have any other severe conditions which may hamper recovery from the surgery; it is only prudent to take an informed approach.  Thus we have the WPATH Standards of Care which recommend a thorough medical work up, Psychotherapy evaluation, CHT (Contra Hormone Therapy), and living at least a year in the chosen gender to avoid the possibility of erroneous Gender Incongruity diagnosis. 

The treatment for Gender Incongruity (GI) or GID (Gender Identity Disorder, as it used to be called) is the surgical adjustment of the genitals to conform to the gender identity of the individual.  Counseling and/or psychotherapy is part of both the diagnosis and the treatment.  Dealing with an issue this large should not be undertaken alone.  At the very least a person with gender questions should see a professional that specializes in the treatment of gender disorders.  There are resources online that will help to identify those professionals, please see this link (take your time and read carefully). 

Getting back to the issue of “is it necessary” I offer another link to a blog that considers this issue nicely.  Having been on this journey for a long time, I will share my personal experience on this question after having talked to many pre and post op transsexuals.  I only know of a few cases of post op transsexuals who were not happy with the surgery.  Three of those were media hyped cases of individuals who were mislead by society.  Personally I have known only one person (a pre-op transgender) that transitioned with hormones for 10 yrs and then decided to de-transition and live in their former role. 

On the other side of the coin I have met dozens of post op transsexuals who tell me it was the best decision they ever made.  They lead happy productive lives just as they did before they transitioned.  The variation in the success of SRS/GRS is as varied as the individuals undergoing the procedure, however it is my firm belief that if this option was not the best choice then there would not be so many surgeons doing the procedure today and it would not be considered medically necessary as it is by the AMA, IRS and some Insurance Companies today (see above links).  It is true that not many Insurance companies will cover SRS/GRS, but their numbers are growing as is the mainstream medical communities support for this treatment of Gender Incongruency. 

Choosing to undergo SRS/GRS is not something anyone should take lightly, however it is a viable option nowadays that offers excellent results of both form and function!  It is time the rest of the medical community step up and see that Gender Incongruity is a serious issue that has viable treatment options with excellent results.

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity     Discover Sex and Sexuality click here

Gender Related Transitions

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Dec 6

Hormone Balance

by Sequoia Elisabeth

The following is an excerpt from Sex and Sexuality the new eBook from Unity in Gender Diversity.  There are a few comments in addition at the end of this blog. 

“A hormone (from Greek ὁρμή – “impetus”) is a chemical released by a cell in one part of the body, that sends out messages that affect cells in other parts of the organism. Only a small amount of hormone is required to alter cell metabolism. It is essentially a chemical messenger that transports a signal from one cell to another.” (Wikipedia, 2010).  The message is imperative for the proper function of the target cells.  The area of the body this book is concerned with is the sexual functions and since this is not a medical journal the descriptions are targeted to the layman.  The purpose of this chapter is to demonstrate the power and the importance hormones play in our lives.  Nowhere is this more evident than in the transsexual. 

“In order to function, the body needs healthy endocrine glands that work correctly, a properly functioning blood supply to move hormones through the body to their target points, receptor sites on the target cells for the hormones to do their work, and a feedback system for controlling how and when hormones are produced and used. Any disruption in that system can cause problems that may require medical intervention.” (FtMGuide.org, 2010). 

“Hormones have the following effects on the body:

  • stimulation or inhibition of growth
  • mood swings
  • induction or suppression of apoptosis (programmed cell death)
  • activation or inhibition of the immune system
  • regulation of metabolism
  • preparation of the body for mating, fighting, fleeing, and other activity
  • preparation of the body for a new phase of life, such as puberty, parenting, and menopause
  • control of the reproductive cycle
  • hunger cravings

A hormone may also regulate the production and release of other hormones” (Wikipedia, 2010). 

“The hormones commonly considered to be “sex hormones” in the body are testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. Testosterone is often referred to as a “male” hormone, and estrogen and progesterone are often referred to as “female” hormones. However, it is interesting to note that no exclusively “male” or “female” hormones have been identified. All hormones characterized to date are present in all people regardless of sex, as are the receptor mechanisms that respond to those hormones.

In fact, the physical observation of the sexes we call “male” and “female” in nature is the result of differences in the amounts of individual hormones in the body and differences in their patterns of secretion (first in utero and then again during puberty) rather than their presence or absence. In other words, testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone are produced by men and women, but in differing amounts and in different patterns.” FtMGuide.org (2010) 

The existence of transsexualism demonstrates the difference between male and female is degree and this also is why males can change to females and vice versa.  It is simply a matter of communication with the cells of the body which is done with the use of hormones.  Please remember though that it is the individual’s gender identity and brain makeup that determines whether the hormones should be balanced for male or female. 

The quote above mentions receptor mechanisms and when the brain is female, it has mostly estrogen receptors and therefore needs estrogen to function properly.  The male brain is the opposite.  If as in transsexuals a female brain develops in a male body, these mechanisms cannot function properly, thus brain function is reduced.  From this author’s perspective, the areas affected are mostly in the emotional department but also other areas, such as ability to think clearly and comprehend at a deep level.  Language skills are much improved since supplying the proper hormones. 

If a male brain takes estrogen the receptors do not match up and the result is wild emotional outbursts and erratic behavior.  This not being my area of expertise, I will say from others I have spoken to that the female to male transsexual would experience similar difficulties before CHT. 

It is sort of like putting diesel fuel in a gasoline engine!  The human body is a remarkable structure and it adapts to many situations, however when the proper hormones are present they function like messengers and open pathways to proper function depending on brain structure, not sexual organs. 

The lesson learned here is that male and female really are fairly superficial aspects of our being and that every human has both, otherwise there would be no way for a male to take female hormones and take on the characteristics of female (or vice versa).  The proper balance for gender identity and brain makeup is what is most important. 

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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Nov 19

Transgender Day of Remembrance

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Have you ever considered why this day of remembrance is important?  How about the advocacy work that so many organizations do?  Does it work and why does it work?  I mean what makes advocacy work!  I remember being distressed by the thought of everyone gathering around and sharing victim stories and it was almost like death was a success.  And indeed it is a success for ego mind, but that is another story. 

Today I would like to shine the light on why it is important to remember events of the past and to honor those who have gone before you.  The obvious answer that I have heard many times, “learn from your past or you are doomed to repeat the mistakes”, falls short.  The other answer that these individuals are important as human beings and kindred family is indeed one of the reasons, but to me not the most important. 

The real gift here is that injustice is brought to light.  Awareness is raised in the minds of all people and they see that violence is destructive and unjust.  Transgender Day of Remembrance brings our community to the main stream consciousness in a cry for equal rights.  It is a statement that we are people too and deserve to be treated as well any other person.  The fact that often gets lost in communities is we are all humans and a part of the whole of life; it is not us against them!  Let me emphasis this point.  It is never about US vs. THEM in any situation.  When this perspective is taken it becomes a losing proposition.  One if not both parties loose.  The Equal Rights movement is about equal rights for everyone.  No one person is better than any other or more deserving or less deserving of common basic human needs such as personal security, love, self esteem, personal fulfillment, cultural security, and participation, plus a right to life, liberty, freedom of thought, expression and identity, and equal treatment before the law.  Let us focus on the things we all desire. 

In the end what makes advocacy work is the Universal Law of Attraction among other laws.  What you focus on grows.  Or to say that another way, the energy of attention is a funnel that sends this power where ever it is pointed.  If you are focusing on the things that are wrong or broken or painful then you get more of them.  However if you are focusing on what is working, how systems are supporting you and what you like about a certain person, place or thing then you will get more of that!  This seems simplistic I know and there are details if you wish to know more.  This works, I am a living testament to it and actually so are you! 

Take advantage of this Day of Remembrance to focus on what you loved about that person who has lost or taken their life.  Focus on the laws that have been passed recently which raise awareness to what is acceptable and what is not.  Share your dream of the world you wish to live in!  It is important to be heard, we all deserve this so listen to others and treat them the way you wish to be treated.  There are no victims only volunteers, thus I honor all the beautiful people who have volunteered to be symbols of change and to shine the light on a community’s needs. 

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Nov 4

The Transgender Journey

by Sequoia Elisabeth

The transgender journey is a personal experience.  Even though this is true, this journey has certain patterns or characteristics.  Let’s look at some of the things that are similar with all transgender individuals. 

First of all, we have all realized at some level when we were very young that our bodies somehow seemed “not right”.  Whether we actually understood that our brains are one gender and our physical bodies are another is different for each person. 

There comes a time when we need to experiment with crossdressing, this may last a lifetime or it may be very brief depending on the amount of guilt associated with this action.  I remember my first time crossdressing only lasted a few minutes.  I could feel this was right for me, that I am a woman but the fear and guilt almost killed me! 

Going public with your “secret” is another phase of the journey.  Once again this phase is characterized by fear; it grips you like no horror movie ever could.  Hours are spent getting ready and you go out late at night to lessen the likely hood that you will be seen by someone you know, or that you will be discovered.  Passing is everything!  Once this has been done successfully, and excitement is felt and we get braver and braver. 

Not all transgender realize that there are other transgender people so when they realize this meeting them becomes a high priority.  It is a like attracting like, or Law of Attraction thing.  This phase can occur before or after the coming out phase and will often motivate the individual to come out at least to their friends. 

Coming out takes on all sorts of appearances, so it is hard to explain, the one thing that this phase encompasses is relief.  Once the fear of your secret has been released, life gets much easier!  The coming out usually starts with those closest to the individual and fans out from there.  The relief can be so exciting that the individual comes out to everyone they know in one big blast.  The results of which can be a mixed bag and depend on where the individual is on the journey.  If they have done the inner work to make it all OK within them, then those in their life will be OK with it.  If the guilt still rules their life then, well it can get ugly. 

Once the transgender individual begins the life experience of living full time as the opposite sex, appropriate gender for them, life often takes major turns.  Some loose it all, including jobs, relationships, pushing to the edge of losing their very life.  Others are able to transition on the job, maintain their relationships and thrive!  Once again it comes down to how mature the individual is and if they prepared for the changes.  With proper preparation the journey is deeply Joyous and rewarding. 

The next phase is one of empowerment were advocacy work becomes important.  Helping others is almost a right of passage.  We all do it to some degree.  Some will do it the rest of their lives, although most reach a point where they are happy with their bodies and wish to live an average life.  They have other concerns. 

Some have surgery and some do not, but the point comes when you are just living your new life and all is well just as it is.   The surgery is a high priority to some and to others it is not,  I would say all transgender individuals consider it at some point.  There are health concerns, cost and personal reasons to consider, not to mention sexual orientation.  The surgery can occur at any point after the crossdressing stage, although the later, the better in my opinion.  I say this because this journey is intense and can be very demanding.  The individual’s maturity and inner healing is best done in advance, because surgery is not a cure, but just a part of the process.  Yes, it does help to live the life of the chosen gender, but it is not required.  Sex is a very personal thing and I will say that for the transsexual or transgender individual that intimacy can be a challenge, it has been for me.  I expect surgery to help, but it may in fact make sex less enjoyable.  This is why getting to know yourself is so important.  How do you desire to experience intimacy?  I am a “have your cake and eat it too kinda girl.  😉

Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity   NEW eBook on Sex and Sexuality available now

Gender Related Transitions

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Sep 20

Gender Roles

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Continuing from yesterday on the subject of gender roles, please read yesterday’s blog first.  I will get into the new eBook more on the next blog.  Gender role is something that many people take for granted and accept without question.  Others though are never comfortable in their gender role and live in the traditional roles of the opposite sex, for example a woman in combat military duty, fighting on the frontlines, or a young man who babysits and works in daycare. 

Obviously there is nothing wrong with this, my point here is that the roles that define man and woman are blurring.  Many young readers will question this blog as so what!  However the older reader will remember when the thought of a man working at a daycare was not acceptable, nor was a woman in combat!  Women did not break into male dominated professions till early in the last century and only on an exceptional basis.  Medical doctors for instance were all men till 1849 when Elizabeth Blackwell graduated from medical school in New York.  Now days 50% or more of medical doctors who graduate medical school are female. 

Many vocational professions still shun women, so why is this?  Is there really a reason why a woman cannot fix a car or fire a weapon?  I will tell you that from my view women are feminine in essence and for that reason are usually not ideal for aggressive vocations such as fighting.  The real issue comes in with stereotypes and is perpetuated by learning.  We are taught from the day we are born what a particular gender does.  If your sex was male at birth then you are taught what the gender roles of men are.  If for some reason you participate in a woman’s role then you are disciplined or corrected. 

Physically each person has gifts that give them an advantage and putting those gifts to work makes a lot of sense.  When it comes right down to it, anyone can do any job, however some people will have an advantage in certain work situations.  It is important to see the person for the skills they possess and stop using gender as a clear indicator as to whether this person will be good at it.  If a woman wishes to do wood carving or car repair and becomes good at it then they should be welcomed as much as anyone else.  The same goes for men who enjoy working with babies or love to sew.

Male privilege is something that also figures in here, because traditionally men have been more accepted than women no matter what they do!  This is changing in today’s world, thank goodness, however it still exists and all I ask is that you see it and stop supporting it.   All people are created equal in God’s eyes.

Personal relationships challenge our gender roles more than anything else, so I would like you to look closely at your life.  Do you treat the opposite gender differently?  Why?  Is it ok for a woman to open the door for her man or for a woman to buy flowers for her partner?  If they do does this make them masculine?  Is this just common courtesy?  Should we put limits on what a person can do just because they are a certain gender?  Or should we listen to our heart and do what feels good?   I think you know the answer to these questions and there is no right answer, only what works for you!

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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Jul 14

MtoF Transition

by Sequoia Elisabeth

The usual course of transition for a MtoF transsexual is to first dress as a woman and to socialize with your peers prior to taking the major step of CHT or Contra-Hormone Therapy.  Crossdressing and socialization does not need to be on a full time basis, although according the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) they do recommend full time dress for at least a year before surgery.  Socializing as a woman is very different than as a man so getting used to that aspect is greatly beneficial in both determining if you desire to progress and gaining the skills necessary to be successful.  Many things will come naturally for you such as mannerisms, emotional behavior including your needs and desires, and mental processes, because these are wired into the brain.  What may not be so natural is movement, social expectations and relationships, because these are learned.  Transition is basically the process of breaking down our learned “male” persona and allowing our natural female self to emerge.

It is important to be patient with the transition process and allow these things to occur naturally, although counseling, feminine coaching, and voice therapy do play an important part.  A skilled counselor can guide your path and point out aspects that are not natural if they are not obvious and help you get in touch with your authentic self.  The feminine coach is valuable in helping you to get in touch with feminine energy and develop its expression.  I must say the first time I felt my feminine energy vs. my masculine energy it was a revelation!  Being aware of our body’s energy and what we are projecting is very important.  For women to truly be feminine for instance do not project that energy, simply center yourself in it and this simple act will attract others.  This is the nature of receptive feminine energy.  I have posted a link on the gender links page of my website to The Yin Project who I highly recommend. 

Voice therapy is very important also and I suggest that you start this process as soon as possible, even before transitioning if you are planning that far ahead, which most of us do not.  Please see these recommended links.  I also recommend getting electrolysis started as soon as possible and depending on your age, I recommend doing laser first to clear the dark hairs and let the electrologist focus on the light hairs.  Don’t let the electrologist tell you that laser is not permanent because I know that it is from experience.   Links on this website page go over the whole process of transition planning, so this blog will stay focused on what to expect.  More info can be found on the website.  Expect laser to work and with about 6-8 treatments the dark hairs are gone for good.  Multiple treatments are necessary because of the growth cycles of hair, and just ask the person doing the hair removal to explain.  With the proper hormone regimen the face is the only area to be concerned with unless you are unusually hairy and I know that some men are.  That is OK (it doesn’t mean anything, unless you say it does, lol). 

The hormones do a remarkable job of reducing body hair and stopping male pattern hair loss.  Find a doctor who specializes in CHT for transgender/transsexual persons, because doing this yourself or using a doctor with little or no experience is setting yourself up for failure.  It can be done on your own, but that is contrary to what this whole journey is about in my opinion, which is to fully and completely experience the transition.  Many transwomen want to jump straight to the result and if that was the way it was meant to be then don’t you think that you would have been female from birth?  Please remember this blog is from my experience and if you desire a different experience then make it so.  More on this subject can be found here.   

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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Jun 8

Self Identity

by Sequoia Elisabeth

For those with Gender Identity issues understanding who you are is indeed a life long journey.  When you ask that profound question of “who am I?”, take a few minutes and feel the answer.  You may hear words, but instead of listening, simply feel. 

You are the only person who can truly know who you are.  No one can tell you although they may try.  This blog is about the journey of discovery in which one explores the inner depths of their own psyche and beyond.  As you may remember from earlier blogs, the mind is simply a tool used to interface with this environment, it is not who you are! 

Neither is the body “who you are”.   The body is simply a vessel which carries us about and to experience this world in which we live.  Our body has 5 senses, our mind has 6 and together they make up a complex system of collecting information about life.  Being human is all about the experience of life from every perspective and aspect.  So what does it mean to be a woman or a man?

This is the question that leads many gender variant individuals to therapy.  The odd thing is that most people would simply say “this is who I am” while looking in the mirror at their body, and really have no clue as to whether they feel like a man or woman!  You feel the way you do, so how do you know that is like a man or woman?  Who decided those parameters? 

The transgender journey is largely about accepting who you are, how you feel and the behaviors you are compelled to participate in.  Part of identity is self expression and this is often not a conscious decision, although sometimes it is.  For a man to have the desire to wear pantyhose or other woman’s clothing can be very confusing and frustrating.  The idea of being a woman trapped in a man’s body for me seemed absurd.  This question depends on how you define self. 

You are you and the rest is simply how you are experiencing the world.  The choice is yours how you experience the world and yet it is NOT.  It is like you have made the choice to get on a particular train (born male, female or intersex) and now you are having that experience.  The current choice comes in your attitude about the ride.  Are you going to enjoy it?  Will you jump off the train?  Will you feel sorry for yourself because you choose the “wrong” train?  Have you ever started on a trip and then forget where you were going before you got there?  Then you end up standing in the middle of the sidewalk wondering how you got there?  This happens more than we are willing to admit, especially in life’s journey. 

The next step is to choose again and move on with a renewed vigor for our new goal.  Happy to just be alive!  Paying attention to every little feeling and thought.  Not judging them but just noticing them and using them as a guide to our next step.  …Row…Row…Row…your…boat…gently…down…the…stream

🙂  Sequoia Elisabeth

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Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Jun 4

Possible Challenges

by Sequoia Elisabeth

The most difficult aspect of transition is probably going to be different for each person, however I will attempt to make a few generalizations here so that you will be aware of possible challenges along the road.   If you have an insight into possible challenges in transition feel free to comment below. 

The transition from one sex to the other can be a very emotional one fraught with trials and tribulations. Or it can be a simple process of shifting the physical body to better represent the inner gender identity.  It is important to realize here that gender is fixed in your brain before you are born.  The physical sex appears to be fixed but in fact can be altered to match the gender identity fairly easily. 

What happens to most transgender individuals is that they are conditioned by society to conform to the role determined by the organs between their legs.  Sex organs are for two purposes, procreation and enjoyment.  It is no accident that procreation is fun.  This assures the perpetuation of the species.  Whoopee 😉  The mental aspects of sexual attraction and role play are complex.  Sexual orientation like gender identity is fixed at birth, so it is the melding of society’s views with personal views that make this complex. 

The transition journey is one of releasing society’s views and living an authentic life which is true to your inner feelings and identity.  This begins with acceptance of both yourself and others.  If someone no longer wishes to be your friend then allow them that space and focus on accepting your natural self. 

In order to replace a glass of orange juice with apple juice you must first empty out all the orange juice.  This process creates a void which is to be filled by the apple juice.  The space is filled at all times, so as one leaves another fills the void.  Transition is much like this.  For a Male to Female transition as the male persona is released this creates a void for the natural persona to fill in.  Substituting another false persona, say of a certain female role is no better than the false male persona.  The point is to allow the natural persona to develop as it would have if the body parts had matched from birth. 

The best advice for allowing this process freedom to evolve is to let go and release any judgment.  Stop trying to please others and simply go with the flow.  Pay close attention to what brings you Joy.  This is best described as a feeling of contentment and gentle peace within your body, centered in your heart. 

For those with an overactive mind, release is a process of patience and persistence.  Make all thoughts OK while relaxing and focusing in the general moment.  If specific thoughts creep in and they likely will, consciously release them.  Say to yourself, “I release any thoughts of how my life should be.  I am open to my inner most gifts and allow them to express naturally.” 

I wish you Peace and Joy on your journey of Love.

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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May 5

Coming Out

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Coming out transgender is received differently than coming out GLB, except for your partner your Gender Identity has more effect on people you know than your Sexual Orientation does.  Some people may confuse the two and make assumptions, so I offer these things to be aware of when you make the leap.  Plan ahead and make sure you are OK with it first. 

  1. Be prepared for shock and disbelief, especially from those closest to you.  Think of how shocked you’d have been to learn of something like this about someone you thought you knew very well.
  2. Some will feel angry and betrayed and may judge you harshly.  Try to meet their anger with compassionate understanding.  Remember that they may be fearful of ‘losing’ someone of great importance in their lives.  Recognize that your transition may cause pain and hardship.  Acknowledge this pain and avoid being defensive. 
  3. Try to resist reacting with anger, as this will only make things worse.  Others are justified in feeling angry about your transition, just as you are justified in feeling the need to transition.
  4. At times you may feel euphoric about your self-discovery.  Caution against assuming others are feeling the same way about you.
  5. Expect skepticism with regard to the necessity of transitioning.  This is a natural reaction – treat it with patience.  These days, most people understand that being gay is not a matter of choice and being closeted is not healthy, so it may help to compare the need for gender transition with the need to accept one’s sexual orientation.  Treat efforts to “dissuade” you with good humor and respect.
  6. Be prepared for suggestions that your transition is a selfish choice.  If you feel you had no other choice, don’t be afraid to say so.  Ultimately, only you are qualified to judge this.  
  7. Your transition will be bewildering to many, who will look to you to help sort out their feelings.  If you maintain a positive, good-humored attitude about your transition, others are more likely to respond in kind.  Be positive about how you expect your transition to affect your life.  This is very important both for you and for others acceptance.
  8. For many, adjusting to your transition will take some time.  Keep in mind that you have spent much of your life dealing with these issues, while most have given them little thought.  For those who are disturbed by your transition, taking your time may help more than anything else you could do.
  9.  Feel free to offer information about being transgender, but don’t assume that it’s welcome.  Make clear that you welcome questions and are happy to discuss your transition.  Many are full of questions, may even be fascinated, but are reticent about prying.  When explaining transgender, do it with grace and sensitivity – don’t lecture or pontificate.
  10. As a transperson, you probably have thought more about what “gender” means than most folks.  Many will learn a thing or two about themselves when you share your experience with them.  Remember to be interested in their growth around your transition, just as you want them to be interested in yours.
  11. The type of relationship you establish before you come out will likely have a big effect on how the coming out is received.
  12. Some of your family and friends may celebrate your courage, rejoice in your finding yourself, and congratulate you on your breakthrough.  Don’t forget to show them how much their support means to you.

I Bless your journey of Love and offer my assistance if needed.  Visit my website, Unity in Gender Diversity for contact info and more information on transition both spiritual and gender related. 

I Love YOU,  Sequoia Elisabeth

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Gender Related Transitions

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Apr 23

What Next Cont.

by Sequoia Elisabeth

By loving a transgender person you have embarked on a grand journey of discovery that has no bounds.  We are all on a journey to discover who we are.  In the process of thinking and doing, we see who we are not.  Along the way many personas emerge, and with each step you are closer to who you really are.  In the end we discover that there is really only one, and this is GOD.

Who you are attracted to guides you closer to discovering your inner self.  Since the world is an inside job, we must look within to find the source.  We do this by looking around us and discovering what we are creating!  It is much like a house of mirrors that distorts and exaggerates our true nature.  This is where we resort to our feelings and let them guide us because our eyes betray. 

Close your eyes and connect to your feelings right now.  I will wait.  …. Take a least a minute to feel deep inside.   Identify each feeling and simply acknowledge it.  Maybe it is calm, maybe it is anger, maybe it is affection but no matter what it is say “I see you, and all is well”.  Be careful not to judge here, but simply observe.  Make a list of all the feelings you observe and yes this may take longer than one minute, it is worth every second.  The deeper you look the more you will find, so let consciousness flow.  Now set this list aside for later use and go about your day, still making no judgments.  Anger is not bad and loving affection is not good, unless you say so, which just happens to be the next step.

Somewhere in that soup of feelings are desires and dreams.  Get in touch with those next and this can be done at any time, but usually best when things are quiet.  Notice what feels good and what seems to cause pain.  Certain thoughts or dreams will excite you and make you feel lighter, write these down.  Other thoughts will scare you and can be painful, write these down also.  Action is not required at this stage so just relax and feel.  Take your time and keep these writing in a journal or diary.  It is important to come back to them at some point though. 

The next step is to embrace these feelings and explore each one all the while being aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings.  If you are male but have the desire to dress as a woman then do so and get help if needed there are links on my website.  If you are female but feel that you should have a penis then try one on, most XXX video stores have strap-ons you can purchase(for adults only!).  Take your time and notice how you feel along the journey.  If you are adolescent then it is even more important to take your time and not to run from your feelings.  Write to me if you need someone to talk to, I am happy to help. 

This process of looking within and feeling your feelings can take a lifetime, so do not get discouraged.  Remember it is about loving all of your aspects and simply being who you are.  Let go of expectations and relax, simply be yourself!

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Apr 22

What Next?

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Having decided that you are indeed transgender, what next?  For those who do not know, it is not always easy to accept that you are different than most people.  I mean we grow up knowing who we are and relating to the world through our eyes but we do not know what a woman is supposed to feel like or how a man is supposed to feel.  We have no frame of reference as a child. 

Gender is something that only the individual can decide or more accurately discover!  I am speaking of gender identity which has little to do with sexual orientation.  That will be an entirely different blog.  Our physical sex does not determine our gender identity and I have a great article explaining all that here on my website. 

There is an innate feeling of misalignment for the transgender person, however so many of us want to fit in believing that this determines our love.  We often think that acceptance comes from people around us like our parents and siblings.  I am here to tell you that it does not.  Acceptance comes from within our own minds and hearts after we have come to terms with our true nature.  While transgender may be a variation of natural selection it is not wrong, bad, a disorder or a disease.  It is simply who you are! 

Once you have discovered who you are, and transgender individuals often have a sense of this at an early age, the journey becomes accepting yourself; loving the differences while noticing the similarities also, because acceptance is loving the whole package.   Honor the feelings you have inside by allowing them to express.  Look deep inside and embrace your findings with courage.  If you need help along the way ask!  This inner journey is something that everyone must do in order to grow and to expand their understanding of who they are. 

If you are someone who loves a transgender person then I salute your choice and your bravery.  Love is not about right or wrong it is about discovery of the deeper self.  It is a two way journey and a blessing for everyone participating.  Love is unconditional and it often chooses us, by this I mean we fall into it quite unknowingly.  Once there it can be a wonderful and magical experience when embraced.  The unknown can be scary so let me assure you that nothing but good comes from Love.   To be continued….

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Apr 8

The Art of Observation

by Sequoia Elisabeth

The art of observation is our best tool in transition.  Children and babies use this technique and so should we.  So what do I mean “the art of observation”?  It is really very simple and it goes like this.  Of course we must know what our desired result is to start with.  It is like writing a good book, you start with the ending!

Let’s use the example of male to female transition.  I know I am a woman in a male body, so I hold a vision of the woman I feel myself to be.  I may even get a picture and keep it with me.  I share my vision with others who are supportive.  I desire to express myself more appropriately as the woman I am, however since I have a male body I have learned how to be a man not a woman.  By using the art of observation I simply observe women in action, walking, talking, getting angry, laughing, smiling, working, dressing, shopping etc.  It is good to choose a woman who you would like to be like, a role model.  Most of us use our mothers since we see them every day and this is precisely what I did.  I have always known I was like mom so she is the one I learned from just as any daughter would do, even though she thought I was her son. 

She taught me to coordinate colors and styles, how to cook, how to clean, and all the usual housekeeping tasks because she wanted me to be self sufficient.  What she did not realize is that she taught me how to act like a lady in public, how to walk like a lady, hand & body gestures, ways of styling my hair, going to the salon every 2-3 wks, and the list goes on.  You get the idea now, that we watch our role models every move and copy it!  The result will be as good as our choice in role models.  We will obviously have our own personality, likes and dislikes, however even most of these are learned from our parents and family or the people we are around the most.  If you were raised by your grandmother then she will be who you learn from. 

If there are traits you do not like, then you can pick and choose just as you would in a buffet line!  You may decide that you wish to be like Lady Gaga or Madonna, it really does not matter.  Just be observative and in the end you will create the person of your dreams.  The secret to it all is being aware enough to make the observations consciously so that you can incorporate them into your behavior.  Be very attuned to detail and notice the small things.  Life is full of nuance and that is the beauty of it all.  For more on awareness check out this article on Unity in Gender Diversity.

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Apr 6

Is It Time?

by Sequoia Elisabeth

How do I know I am ready to transition?  What do you think about when you wake up in the morning?  What are you thinking about when you go to bed?  Are you thinking about it all through the day?  In this case you probably already have started your transition.  I of course am speaking of transitioning from male to female or female to male in order to express ones gender identity.

Many people who are not transgender ask the question, why do you need to transition at all?  To many TG’s the answer is obvious but let me just clarify.  Being transgender is living a lie unless we can express ourselves as who we truly are.  We need to transition as much as anyone needs to be understood and loved!  If you can imagine going through life without love, never being understood, not being able to express your ideas, and not being able to live your visions and dreams, then you know what it is like to not transition. 

There is an energy expressing in us, through us, as us and to withhold that energy is impossible.  It must be released or the person dies, or harms another.  It really is very simple, are you being the person of your dreams?  If not, then why?  Are you fulfilling your destiny?  If you are truly a transgender person and you are living your birth sex then no you are not fulfilling your destiny. 

This is not something that pops up at the age of 35 or 40 all of sudden.  This is something that has been with you since birth and you have been denying it.  If you have no memory of having gender doubt or feelings of not being in the right body then you are not transgender.  And I mean constantly for years and not just a few times. 

The important thing is to live your life authentically and be true to who you are inside. In order to do this you must be honest with yourself.  And you must get to know yourself.  Some of us are so busy living stereotypes and expectations of others we don’t even know who we are.  Being alone is very important for this and I would suggest taking a camping trip or weekend in a remote place with no electronics.  Simply be with yourself, feel your feelings, write your thoughts down, find things that you enjoy.  How are you creative?  What are your best features?   What would you like to share about yourself with the world? 

Once you figure out who you are, then share that with those closest to you.  Find those who are supportive and be willing to let go of those who are not, and this sometimes means letting go of those closest to you, parents, children, spouses, family.  You deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are!   Please do not hide from the world.  You are loved and our purpose here is to share that love.  Being Transgender is a gift, just like being a genius or a natural athlete.  If all the above describes you then maybe it is time to transition. 

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Apr 3

The Essence of Transition

by Sequoia Elisabeth

So what is transition really?  Ok, so it is a change, but what does that mean?  Change is the most constant force in the Universe!  By transition do we mean a flower blooming?  Or a child growing to an adult?  Not really, although those can be thought of as transitions.  Let’s go deeper and be a bit more specific.  The transition I am speaking of today is gender. 

In one way the transition is not about change at all, but about awareness.  Just being aware of what already is.  Our core person does not change; it is who we are.  Like peeling the layers of an onion the transition journey is about looking deeper within and throwing away the false self.  We have many false identities not just one.  Getting caught up in this outer world is so easy with all the roles we have thrust upon us.  

“Real” gender transition is about removing the false persona, or male identity (for MtoF) which we created to “fit” into the world based on the existing rules.  Removing the veil and allowing our authentic self to emerge is what the journey is all about.  Growing up takes time so transition does not happen overnight, however it does happen a lot faster than the first time around, unless you are one of the lucky ones who have not allowed the veil to be drawn.  When we start young the false persona is not created, but we still must be aware of our authentic self and make sure that is who we are expressing.

Transition is a natural process that really needs no assistance other than deep awareness.  Are you aware of how you feel?  What makes you happy?  Have you walked down that road and deeply enjoyed the journey?  If you are male transitioning to female then dress up and see how it feels.  Know as much as you can what you are getting into (or vice versa guys).  Letting go of your male persona is like trying to escape a swarm of mosquitoes!  It can drive you insane! 

Sometimes guidance is necessary along the way, so please get help if you can.  Discovering the aspects of you that are false can be a long road and not an obvious one.  The most important aspect of the transition journey is to be authentic and natural.  Authenticity involves following your bliss, and doing that which brings Joy to your heart.  Let go of any desire to play a role or attempt to fit other people’s expectations.  It is not about being black or white (male or female), but about showing your true colors!

Blessings on your journey of Love      🙂  Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Transitions

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Mar 29

When did it all begin?

by Sequoia Elisabeth

When does transition begin?  Does it have a beginning? Or an end?  Transition is a process of change, so it never really has a beginning or an end, because change is on-going.  Ever since the big bang the universe has been expanding and changing!  There is no end.

On a more personal level, your transition began the day you were conceived!  What we experience and often think of as a “transition” are cycles or phases of change.  These occur at many levels and often at the same time.  Our bodies are growing all the time no matter how old you are.  Even at the age of 100 your body is growing new cells to replace old ones and this continues till the old ones far outweigh the new ones, then that body dies and the cycle begins again, in a new lifetime.  This is all going on while we experience emotional changes, mental changes, and spiritual changes.  Transition is multi-dimensional.

For those of us on a gender transition journey, the word “transition” holds unique meaning.  For most of us this journey begins when we start on hormones, however I will state that the first stage or cycle is questioning.  On my website I have an eleven step transitioning guide that outlines the steps as I see them based on my research and experiences.  There could be more or less steps; however, each phase is a transition in itself.  Take the hormones for instance; this phase or transition cycle has a specific start and significant steps along the path.  For those who have the surgery, the post op regimen will differ greatly from the pre-op cycle and the end is not the same for everyone.  Some post op transwomen take hormones the rest of their lives and others will stop taking hormones once they reach a certain age. 

The cycles have certain similarities between people, but each person will have specific differences in their transition cycles or phases.  Our experiences define us to an extent, but they are not who we are. Life is made up of one experience after another like the layers of an onion, only far more complex.  So when does transition begin?  It depends on which one you are speaking of and who you are asking!  Blessings on your journey of Love 🙂    Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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Mar 23

Community Action

by Sequoia Elisabeth

Community action is a method I see many transgender people using to cope with their situation in life.  It is almost like they are called to do that work, and I am sure they are.  We are each on a unique journey of which some of those journeys are closely allied. 

My advice on community action is to follow your heart.  Do what feels right to you, but do not do it so that you belong to a group or fit in.  This is something that you do for yourself.  In fact everything you do is for you!  Think about that from the perspective of oneness.  That person you are helping is part of the One, All That Is, they are an extension of you. From this perspective community action is self love!

In a way this is a paradox.  In order to truly help yourself you must take care of others and the way you do this is to make sure your body is clean and healthy, you eat good foods and are living a happy life.  Narcissistic behavior is when you think you are all there is in the world and are obsessed with yourself.  Poor self worth is when you ignore your own needs and place others on a pedestal.  Balance needs to be obtained and maintained. 

Community has so much more value when we understand that we are all one.  Planet Earth is a living organism, and each of us is like a cell in Gaia.  Each and everything you experience here is a part of the whole.  If you lose a few hairs it is no big deal, but lose them all and you feel it.  Our skin is constantly dropping the dead cells and replacing them with new cells.  This is exactly like our Planet is losing people every day and replacing them with new births!  This holographic cycle is repeated throughout the Universe at every level from the microscopic to the galactic! 

Take a minute to feel your connection to all that is.  Know that you are a vital piece of the cosmic plan!  When you go out and participate in community activities, feel the connection to the plants and animals, and to each person you meet.  They are a reflection of who you are, who we all are, Divinity Expressed!

😉  Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

Gender Related Spirituality Transitions

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