I share these personal thoughts in hope they touch the right person at the right time.  We are not alone… we have each other.  This is my story… and I offer it to you… take it or leave it.

It has been over 8 years since I went full time, including the name change. Surgery was 2 ½ yrs ago. So where am I now? What has all this changed? I ask myself these questions all the time. I am not even convinced there is an answer to why? Except to say I had to, life compelled me to, it is like I made the decision before I was born!

My life as of December 2016 has reached a level of Peace I quite enjoy. Life is good! I love my life, which is simplified as much as possible. I don’t get out much these days and I rather like that. Socializing is fun in the mix, but it is not something I look forward to or seek out. Romance is out totally. I now identify as asexual and it fits well. Hugging and intimacy are fine, but not something I have to have. The one thing that sits in the back of my mind is the brainwashing I received as a child and which seems to be fed almost everywhere… work ethic, what’s good for me, and all the stereotypes we are fed all our lives. I am mostly free of them, but still have doubts from time to time. Intellectually I know better, but my programming says otherwise. I think it is the collective mind. We are making progress though. Identity is less and less important these days. Am I a man or woman for instance. Who cares? I am me. I know I was born male and that is all well and good, but I still don’t “feel like a man”. Never have really. I feel more like a woman I would say, but then what does all that mean? How does anyone know for sure? I don’t feel this is important. Other aspects of me are more important like compassion, empathy, caring, wisdom, and vision/perspective. I love the “big picture” and while I appreciate detail, it is not important to me. Feelings and emotion are important too. I experience these fairly deeply now and enjoy it, whether sad or happy or other. This to me is living.

At times I hear the voice saying I should have a career and make a difference in the world and then my conscience self says, why? That does more harm than good. Life is just the way it is supposed to be, if that is possible. It does feel right! So I will just leave it at that. It’s all good.

What has all this changed? Not a whole lot really. My Psychologist told me when I started transition that only about 5% made it to full transition. What this means is only a few transition from one gender to the other fully in their own minds… man becoming woman. I see now that he was correct. The hormones are a BIG part of the transition and without them these past 2.5 yrs I have slipped back to being about 60/40. I only ever got to about 80% woman with the help of estrogen. The orchi a few years ago only allowed me to drop the drugs and maintain most of what I gained. I see myself as I always have as a male woman. I wear what most would call women’s clothing and this is most important to me, so if you wish to call me a crossdresser or transvestite that works for me. I don’t care about labels any more. I do care that I feel good these days. I like who I am now. So as far as I am concerned the transition was successful. I rarely enjoyed doing “guy” things, but then I don’t really do “girly” things either. This has not changed. I have always been a naturalist with a deep connection to nature and life itself. I feel deeply and enjoy the dive! This has not always been so. I allow myself to be me now and this is what is important. If I were to start life over I would focus more on being loving and less on what is proper. I would allow myself to love people of all types without judgment. This is where I am now. So onward and upward. My goal is to see beyond the skin and to know Essence.

Love and Light,

Sequoia Elisabeth Carpenter

Over the years many lessons have been presented, so I cannot begin to share all that I have learned because I don’t even know all that I have learned. This is the way of the world. So I share what sticks out in my mind. These are the most important to me and possibly to you as well. Let’s jump right in.

Love is all there is! As simple as this may seem it is constantly challenged and obscured by events, people, and ideas. I can remember asking my father what Love is as a teenager and getting the “you’ll know it when you see it” response. WTF? This was totally false! I did not see it for years and through two marriages. It was in the second relationship when the light finally came on. Love is unconditional, there is no opposite, and there is no escaping it since it makes up our very essence. Love is not a person, place or thing. It is not even an emotion or feeling. Love is all there is!

What you give is what you receive, so give everything to everything. At first this makes no sense at all. How does one give what they do not have? But after experimenting with it the truth of this statement comes to light. The logical mind cannot grasp the depth of this, so let go of logic and trust in the heart. A entire book could be written on this topic and probably has been. Suffice it to say this has to do with Oneness. If there is only One, then what one gives to another they receive. What one does, says, or thinks of another they do, say, or think of themselves! Once this is understood, it changes everything! It could be said this is enlightenment itself. I don’t expect you’ll understand this till you have experienced it. This too is the way of the world. Even experiencing it will not necessarily bring it to full awareness. These things must seep into the soul over time, till a tipping point is reached and BAM.

Identity is a concept or perception, not a reality. What’s in a name? Simply an idea, nothing more. As real as life seems nothing is fixed or real as most think of this concept. (Look at Taxonomy for instance) Names and identities serve an important purpose, but they are also very misleading. Just because you know a person’s (place, animal, plant or thing)’s name doesn’t mean you know this person and even if you have “known” this person all your life doesn’t mean you know who THEY are. What you do know is yourself. The traits of others that make you crazy are the very traits in you that you hate. It is not usually obvious, however I accept this to be true through observation and experience. Other self exists to show the self who it is…and is not… remember the first lesson!

On a practical level, life is about observation, acceptance, and non-judgment. This is what we call Forgiveness. The gift is observing, accepting, and not judging! Simplicity! Not necessarily easy though. In fact, life is an exercise in Forgiveness. Just remember to forgive your self first!

Each person has two aspects, the Ego and the Soul. The ego is our interface with this world and it represents the fractured or separate self. The soul is our window to Spirit, Universal Mind, Infinite Intelligence, etc. We can listen to one or the other, but not both at the same time. Most of us are like pendulums going back and forth. The goal here is to listen only to Holy Spirit and trust that “we”, our egos, do not know the path home. The ego is often very convincing and very persuasive, however its only concern is keeping us stuck in illusion. It teaches death constantly, anything that leads to separation. ACIM (a course in miracles) says it so eloquently:“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Here in lies the Peace of God.”  So if you would like to learn more about this, explore A Course in Miracles. There are many good books which explain this clearly, so I suggest reading Gary Renard, Eckhart Tolle, and David Paul & Candace Doyle just to name my favorite ACIM teachers. This of course is in addition to the ACIM text.

There are many other lessons of lesser concern so I will end here. Read my blogs to explore further. I bless you on your “Journey of Love”.

Sequoia Elisabeth 🙂

So just what does this word mean, Transvestite? Merriam Webster cites it as: “a person and especially a male who adopts the dress and often the behavior typical of the opposite sex especially for purposes of emotional or sexual gratification.” The last quantifier has not always been associated with this term and explains much of the negativity towards the use of this term. Maybe not as negative as the term Tranny, but close. We could get into why sex is so negative in the USA culture, but suffice it to say it stems from a repressive past that is still with us.

To me the word Transvestite means a male who dresses as a woman with no desire to change their physical body. My official definition on my website reads: “A person who dresses and acts in a style or manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex, often doing this full time.” So if one removes the sexual component we are in agreement. I am a Transvestite! The more friendly term Transgender also describes me, but is it really accurate? I am not so sure it is. The important distinction here is I get no sexual satisfaction from dressing the way I am most comfortable. I have no drive to be with the same birth sex and not much the opposite either these days! I attribute this to the Orchiectomy and no longer taking estrogen. The only time I was sexually attracted to males was when I took estrogen. And this is the way nature meant it to be!! Opposites attract means you will be attracted to the opposite hormone from the one that dominates your system. (There are spiritual explanations for this also, but it would take too long to explain) So many Transgender individuals fail to realize this. And I am sure some will disagree with me. If you are having a different experience then I would say look deeper and consider the possibility of denial. Often the psyche is so good at denial we know not the truth. Question reality, all ways and always! In fact this blog is doing exactly that.

At the end of the day labels fail us, so don’t get too caught up with them. I know what brings me joy and what does not, so this is good enough for me. Try on different terms to see how they fit. Be brave and non-judgmental. I have been afraid of the term Transvestite for so long now, perhaps because it would mean I am homosexual. But upon deep reflection this is simply not so, thus nothing to be afraid of! I am who I am. I love everyone equally to the best of my ability and identify as asexual. This being said, how do you identify? Has this changed over time? What words “get under your skin”? (make you upset). This is where we all need to focus our awareness, for when you shine the light of love upon the darkness (fear) enlightenment is the result.

Sequoia Elisabeth 🙂

For more on TransTerminology

The transgender journey is no different than the many other journey’s we take such as Athletic star, War Hero, Peacemaker, Saint, Villain, etc. It is a role which makes us feel special. And yes, it is just a role. It is not who we are, so how can one be authentic when on the Transgender Journey? Authenticity comes when “playing the role” true to the heart. Meaning the person truly believes their thoughts and even their feelings! They become the role like any really good actor does. Another way of thinking of this is “being in the world but not of it.”

For clarification let me say that each person is an actor playing roles. Perhaps the role is cisgender heterosexual male or perhaps some other. As the ACIM teaches and quantum physics has demonstrated, there is no world out there! There is only the One Mind playing a game with itself. See the game for what it is, a cry for Love and make this Ok. See with compassion for both yourself and other self (the self projected out as other people, places, and things)

I feel it, Heaven is this feeling of Love and compassion which lifts you up and makes it all “Ok”. It is a dream within a dream that feels “real” when the only “real” is this sense of uplifting Love. It is possible to live in Heaven on Earth, I have done it! It does not last that long at this point, but it just keeps on getting better! The deeper I go the more is revealed and the more steady and constant the peace becomes. For clarification, Love, Peace, and Joy are equal to me, as they are all words which describe God, the all that is. Of course words are never quite sufficient, but they are what we have at this point. Look beyond the words and see with your feelings at the heart level. Intuit this knowledge, we all have it, because there is but One. Separation is part of the dream and when it no longer serves us it will fall away. For brief moments now I can connect to the Oneness and this makes “the Journey” tolerable. What we all seek is to connect with this Love, Divinity, Oneness and know without a doubt there is no other truth.

Sequoia Elisabeth Carpenter

onenessministry.info  &  transness.org

Forgive those who would perceive attack, for they are deluded/ignorant/asleep (choose your word). Attack is simply the attempt to justify the projection of guilt onto others, demonstrating sinfulness and guilt so that we may feel free of it; because attack is always a projection of responsibility for the separation, and it is never justified. Attack or Anger (synonymous terms) is also used to denote the thought of separation from God, for which we believe God will attack and punish us in return. (FACIM)

The event this past weekend in Orlando FL at the Pulse Nightclub reflects this tragic mindset of lashing out at others to quell inner feelings of guilt and pain. Feel compassion for Omar Mir Seddique Mateen!! He apparently believed by harming others it would free him from pain. All it did was multiply it by a factor of 100 (at least). As misguided as this “attack” was it has occurred and now we must use this forgiveness lesson to its fullest opportunity. To look away is to miss an opportunity for freedom. The souls we “lost” are volunteers (at the soul level) for they know that catalyst like this propels us forward to greater heights of love and compassion. On the ego level we experience fear and hatred, what I ask here is to see beyond this and know the ego is temporary. Only Love is real! All else is delusion/distraction/unreal.

My deepest compassion goes to all the volunteers, including family, friends, and Omar Mateen for their courage to manifest this forgiveness opportunity. Thank you for the reminder, We are all Love, and our journey here is to re-member this!

In Peace and Love,

Sequoia Elisabeth

https://onenessministry.info/  &  https://transness.org/

The theme today is Specialness and Separation, both of which are illusions. Kenneth Wapnick explains this beautifully in this video: https://youtu.be/EGaJjLHdW1Y. Remember that you always have what you need so just seek to explore this topic and answers will show up. The ego wishes to feel special as a substitute for Love (God’s love = Agape). It is also a response to the fear that we are separate from God, Divine Source, or, Prime Creator. The acronym FEAR applies here perfectly, False, Evidence, Appearing, Real. The following is a quote from ACIM (A Course In Miracles) Chapter 24:

“II. Specialness as a Substitute for Love

Love is extension. To withhold the smallest gift is not to know love’s purpose. Love offers everything forever. Hold back but one belief, one offering, and love is gone, because you asked a substitute to take its place. And now must war, the substitute for peace, come with the one alternative that you can choose for love. Your choosing it has given it all the reality it seems to have.” https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/A_Course_in_Miracles/Text/Chapter_24

Substituting God for Love in this quote works to clarify its meaning, esp. for Christians.

Please read this whole article sourced above because it describes exactly what the topic is today. It can be hard to read at times because of the way it is written, however the reward is great indeed. I could offer select quotes but that would subtract from the experience and the knowledge. I withhold nothing. For I am Love, Your Love. Knowing separation is an illusion defines Oneness. With this realization the whole world becomes Heaven. May this Holy Instant be yours. (The holy instant is ACIM’s term for the instant — outside time and space — when we choose the Holy Spirit as our teacher instead of the ego.)

Lovingly,

Sequoia Elisabeth

OnenessMinistry.info & Transness.org